Wednesday, February 01, 2012
2:21 AM
I can't sleep.
My heart's too empty and my head's too full.
They say that you'll be contented if you look at others who are worse off than you rather than those who are better off.
But I look at those who are worse off and realise that if God is fair, he'd give so many more people in this world a shot at happiness first, because I had mine and I fucked it up so bad.
It's so stifling and choking. I don't even know if any metaphor or analogy could describe the way I feel on sleepless nights sometimes.
It's like your heart is outside your body, but you know it's dying so bad, but you can't feel it that well anymore. Everything's just a little numb; your scream can't reach your throat and your tears don't reach your eyes.
If people have knots in their stomachs, I have a knot in my chest. Right where my heart used to be.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
12:34 AM
I don't really have motivation to study. I just sort of do what I think needs to be done. What I should be doing. Yeah, that's the perfect way to describe it. If I find interest in it, it's just a plus point, it's not like I was really enthusiastic about it from the start.
Sometimes I wonder if that's the way I've come to view every little thing in life.
Boring.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:32 AM
Making you regret what you did to me is not 'me winning'.
It's everyone still losing.
I wrote this for you
True. Very true.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Unfortunately I do, all too well
11:52 AM
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
2:13 PM
Unreal.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:10 PM
Stop telling me to follow my heart. It once led me to you.
I wrote this for you
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Insomnia
12:08 AM
So how does insomnia feel like?
Well, first of all, there are many types of insomnia. It's just that people use the blanket term insomnia to cover all having-trouble-sleeping related disorders.
a) Can't fall asleep - Note, this is not what is happening when you are on your computer at 5am in the morning. It's about you lying in bed, staring at the ceiling or closing your eyes, feeling sleepy as hell and yet not being able to fall asleep.
b) Not sleepy/don't want to sleep - refer to the above
c) Woke up and can't get back to sleep - happens often to light sleepers who get awoken after they've completed their 4 hours of core sleep. Lacking REM sleep is a huge problem for the next night's sleep. Normally feel perpetually tired during the day.
d) Woke up before alarm naturally and can't sleep - well, what it says. You basically have less sleep than you need.
I've experienced a, b and now I'm experiencing d. It's quite annoying to be honest. It could be hereditary or something cos my dad suffers from c. Maybe I should be like the Owl City guy and make use of the time I'm awake... somehow.
Good night.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
2:35 PM
I have to go to a Hindu temple soon to take some photos for my Soci of Religion mod.
The lecturer says that we need to break out of our comfort zones, especially in this module.
I look at it differently though, I think it's more about intruding into the comfort zones of others that concerns me and not so much breaking out of my own comfort zone. I mean hey, just be polite, ask permission and snap some shots, what's there to be nervous or afraid about? It's the reactions of people who may possibly be uncomfortable about what I'd doing that bother me and not so much my own.
I guess this is like the thing about the First Ammendment/Illusion of Freedom blah blah, where if your freedom to do something infringes upon the freedom of another person's freedom to do something else (or the same thing that matter) then you do not possess that freedom under the eyes of of the law/society/people/ect.
Ok, time to go take some photos.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
3:11 AM
The most ear piercing screams are ironically the ones that no one hear.
The silent scream in the middle of night, in the heads of the billions of this world.
And I'm saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 20, 2012
3:27 AM
Wow, I've been one negative motherfucker recently.
I should write happy things.
But then again, this isn't the place to write happy things.
And happy things are so... unrealistic to write about.
Probably why the greatest pieces of literature in the world are always tragedies.
lone wolf syndrome.
