Wednesday, December 26, 2007
7:37 PM
Oceans apart day after day And I slowly go insane I hear your voice on the line But it doesn't stop the pain If I see you next to never How can we say forever Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you I took for granted, all the times That I though would last somehow I hear the laughter, I taste the tears But I can't get near you now Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' CrAzY Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you I wonder how we can survive This romance But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' cRaZy Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Weird Xmas
7:43 PM
Book in at night, played games the whole day.
What a weird, empty xmas.
Single and not available.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
11:55 PM
I guess I'm finally over the fact we're never gonna be together again, but I'm not over her yet. I really wish it was that easy, just hate or forget. But it's never that easy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, December 17, 2007
9:27 PM
I cried today.
For the first time since we broke up, I really cried. It wasn't tearing; it was one of those uncontrollable, heavy breathing between sobs type of things.
After you hung up, something just came over me. I just couldn't help it. I feel so used now. I guess I feel like how a girl feels after she gets screwed and dumped. I realised that she hasn't for one moment, actually believed I loved her. She thinks after the break up, I hate her, I want revenge, I want to hurt her as much as possible.
I now really wish that was the case. I think I'm going mad. I couldn't stop crying for some reason just now. I couldn't choke back my tears, I couldn't stop crying even though my tears had run dry. I think somewhere inside of me I'm still crying.
If you really want me to say it, I really really love you from the bottom of my heart. That's why your words hurt so much today. I feel like shit now. I feel like if I died today, tomorrow, the day after, it wouldn't make a difference. I feel like crying. I want to cry. I think if I don't cry I'll go mad.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Something different
6:36 PM
Gah, I'm sick of it. The game world isn't escape. Now I'm faced with another dilemma online instead of running away from reality. I need something new to take my mind of things. Something different.
I'm just really, really tired. Tired and sick of everything.
I just feel so
worldweary. I have nothing worth working towards, nothing worth looking forward to. For 2 years, you were my life and now you're gone. The shock seems to get less and less everyday, like the way a wound turns into a scar. Just because it doesn't hurt as much anymore, however, doesn't mean it's not there.
It's like I'm falling... And I'm just waiting for someone to come and catch me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Moving on
1:48 AM
http://onepicaday.blogspot.com/
A good interesting read.
I envy the way the author's so determined for forget someone. I think I should as well. Things are changing. The longing for her isn't as strong anymore. I guess, slowly, but surely; I'm moving on.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Getting along
11:14 PM
Humans are known to adapt to almost anything.
When they lose their sense of sight, they make up for it with improved sense of touch and hearing.
We make up for losing something dear by desperately trying to find anything to fill the void. Anything. To the point that it becomes so obvious to us that we're not really interested in looking for something new, but merely looking for a replacement, no necessarily something similar to what you've lost, but anything to fill the void in your life; things totally unrelated to what you've lost, things that take your mind off the loss, things that you enjoy, things that make you too tired to think about what you've lost, but never never, something to fill; and not replace, what you've lost.
We adapt, yes. But we're still as fucking stupid as ever.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
It doesn't hurt anymore
10:51 PM
I try to tell myself that it was real, that I didn't waste 2 years for nothing.
But when it boils down to it, it's all the same.
There's a saying, people only begin to appreciate what they have when they lose it. So how about the people who don't appreciate it when they lose it? They probably didn't really care in the first place...
I guess I really invested alot. Time, emotions, among other things. Was it worth the trouble?
Yes, I'd say. It's a two way thing. It always has been. But if only one party does anything, then at least that party knows he/she has done all they could. I kinda expected it from the start. It doesn't hurt anymore, really. It just feels really really empty and lonely sometimes.
Heh. So it's back to square one. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Strength comes at a price, I'm not sure if this time the price was reasonable. I'm just babbling now, incoherent statements that probably won't make sense to most people. It's ok, at least I know I'm acting crazy. One of the signs you're still sane.
I guess,
once a lone wolf, always a lone wolf. It just proves I can't really trust anyone but myself.
lone wolf syndrome.
