Lol, don't worry, it was an accident :) I'll get you new ones next time :P
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, February 25, 2008
9:51 PM
Dinner on Tuesday :)
Let's hope nothing screws up tomorrow.
I know my cBox is down. It's like sign. No one ever tagged on it anyway.
Shadowing senior instructors at work now. It's fun so far, guess when it's my turn to teach, it might be a little harder than expected.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
11:10 PM
Life feels weird and lonely and meaningless.
I think I suffer from depression or something. Or maybe it is weird and lonely and meaningless.
Tch. Must've gotten used to it since I don't feel emo or anything typing this out.
Supposed to meet Kanu and the guys for soccer again today, but I was too shagged to go because of the stupid fang shen thing today. Fucked up. Next week ba.
I'm now thinking of weird stuff. Like how I wanna celebrate my 21st birthday. MoS private room party? Or rent a yacht? Hmm. I dunno why I'm thinking about this when it's a year away. Dunno lah, ccb. Think so much also no use.
Army makes you stupid sometimes :x Oh well.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:50 PM
I hate it when people wake me up. Especially when I need sleep.
You're a goddamn hypocrite.
Live for others, eh? Take a look at yourself. Selfish bitch. You don't even know what I go through.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
12:05 AM
That wasn't too bad, was it? :)
Family Day tomorrow. I'm erm, playing volleyball. @_@
Life's full of little surprises sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Emotional Frustration
8:37 PM
I think I'm having a crush on someone... I'm not entirely sure.
And seeing that post on your blog made me feel this tinge of sadness.
Am I really over you yet? Why do I feel so uncertain now?
I don't want to hurt this new girl if I go for her without getting over you completely. I, of all people, should know how it feels to be used as a substitute. Not once, not twice, but trice.
I'm not even sure if I know myself anymore. I wish I had a little reassurance sometimes.
... I scare myself at times like these. Should I just get over and done with Army before thinking about affairs of the heart? I can't commit much when I'm serving my time. But then again, you don't get to choose these sort of things.
You, the new girl, work, new soccer team. So many commitments. I wish I had simpler problems sometimes, like worrying about if I can put food on the table tomorrow.
I dunno what I'm typing anymore. I feel so pent up, so unable to express myself. I feel like a fucktard for not being 100% sure I'm over you now and a pussy for not daring to ask her out alone. I'm a screwup for not being able to manage my priorities and and... Fuck you, Bryan.
What happened to changing yourself? When you do almost anything you can adapt to however hard or unfamiliar the situation is. Playing sports, games, at work, when learning something new, when understanding concepts. But you never change yourself at the very base. You know it's true. I wonder who's doing the typing now. I'm beginning to sound insane.
Why am I like this? I hate being me. I want to be somebody else.
How I'm feeling now really reminds me of this...
You operate and motivate on synthetic fuel You're mother nature and an atom bomb As long as you're kept full of pretty bodies Your little secret will be safe with me
Around again Insane again It comes again And sets me free
[Chorus:] So set me free, set me free 'Cause I think you need my soul Set me free, set me free
You're kept alive and polarized with one thing in mind Metabolize everything that you see But now and then or a little later Now I'm gonna take you down with me
Around again Insane again She comes again And sets me free
[Chorus x2] So set me free, set me free 'Cause I think you need my soul Set me free, set me free
[Bridge x2] So take me down Take me, down, down, down, down Take me down, take me down
[Chorus x4] So set me free, set me free 'Cause I think you need my soul Set me free, set me free
My freedom!
That's a wrap!
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
5:41 PM
Sick on my 2nd day of work. Just my luck.
Got 2 days MC, but I might be going back to camp tomorrow if I'm feeling better.
Chomp chomp on thursday <3
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, February 18, 2008
First Day at work
6:55 PM
Being part of the office is kinda cool now.
Didn't have much to do at my first day at work though. The NSF lounge is awesome though.
Sometimes, I really wonder if it's just me or if it's real. I don't know, maybe I should try Staff Eng's "trick" and see how it works. I shouldn't be thinking about this though. Maybe I'm just feeling it from the rebound.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
11:39 PM
Went to catch a movie with Xue and Rain today.
We originally planned to watch Rambo 4 but changed to Kung Fu Dunk.
The movie is fucking hilarious! Definitely worth the money. :D
Went to have coffee bean and talked for a while. Then played arcade for a bit and rain went back.
Had tim sum with Xue and brought her to Selegie, where she met up with a friend.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
7:43 PM
When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained But darlin' when I hold you Don't you know I feel the same 'Cause nothin' lasts forever And we both know hearts can change And it's hard to hold a candle In the cold November rain We've been through this such a long long time Just tryin' to kill the pain But lovers always come and lovers always go An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today Walking away If we could take the time to lay it on the line I could rest my head Just knowin' that you were mine All mine So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain Or I'll just end up walkin' In the cold November rain
Do you need some time...on your own Do you need some time...all alone Everybody needs some time...on their own Don't you know you need some time...all alone I know it's hard to keep an open heart When even friends seem out to harm you But if you could heal a broken heart Wouldn't time be out to charm you
Sometimes I need some time...on my own Sometimes I need some time...all alone Everybody needs some time...on their own Don't you know you need some time...all alone
And when your fears subside And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh I know that you can love me When there's no one left to blame So never mind the darkness We still can find a way 'Cause nothin' lasts forever Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody Don't ya think that you need someone Everybody needs somebody You're not the only one You're not the only one
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, February 11, 2008
emo
11:28 PM
I hate how I always feel that I'm nothing without you. I hate how your face reminds me of good memories that make me feel so powerless, so useless now.
I hate myself for being someone who worries about problems that aren't his. I hate having the automatic instinct to look after people, to lead. I hate it completely. I'm not suited for this type of thing, but it's instinctive. I can't do this anymore. Not like this. I'm not the same person I was before. I've changed, for better or for worse, I don't know, but I can't do everything I used to anymore. I'm not that noble, I need to do things for myself as well, I need to wallow in vices once in a while. I need to be selfish, I need to be human.
I've lived for others for so long, I may have forgotten how to live for myself.
I don't want to be emo. I don't want to be like this. I don't like wallowing in self-pity. Fuck.
I'm starting to fear going to bed again. I don't want thoughts and memories to fill my mind anymore. I just want to be able to drop like a rock and knock out immediately. I want to dream. Where the fucking hell did all those dreams go? I think I should delete that folder. It holds too many memories. Just too many.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:31 PM
Went to a nice restaurant with NS mates today. It's called Tims Restaurant and Cafe, at Blk 95 Lor 4 Toa Payoh, #01-52.
It's above hawker centre fare with cheap prices. Service is VERY VERY impressive. They serve mostly western food.
On the way back, I walked down Eden Grove and suddenly memories just came rushing back to me. It didn't help that I was listening to Iris by Goo Goo Dolls.
Sigh. I hate this feeling. It's really fucked up. It feels like... failure, but worse. I don't know how to describe it. I don't want to recall; I know it's over. I want to keep them a part of me, and move on.
Stop being emo, Bryan. It's not like you. Suck it up and move along.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
7:17 PM
I just realised today that there are people like me. Sick and tired and afraid of love.
We don't want to be hurt anymore, we just want to be left alone.
But deep down inside, we're crying for someone to come and save us.
Paul Wan said that it takes 2 people who are equally empty inside to become whole again. I hope I find someone like that one day.
lone wolf syndrome.
Clubbing
7:22 AM
Met with IRC peeps :D
Had a dinner with Nuri and Pumpkin first, then headed down to zouk, where we met Shiro, Evil Xue, That and MI2.
Evil Xue is a chio bu :O
Then Kenji and rainmaker came later. We switched places to Orchard Plaza 97. Good music, good space to dance and no cover :D
Lots of stuff happened, was a really fun night.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
5:40 PM
Something was different about today.
I wish I knew what. I wish you'd tell me.
Is that how being friends feels like?
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, February 08, 2008
8th feb 2008
10:06 PM
3 pieces of Polar Cake.
I don't think I will ever forget this birthday because of that :)
Thanks mum and dad.
lone wolf syndrome.
Fuck this bullshit.
12:23 PM
I hate birthdays.
They always start crappy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
11:02 PM
Talking to you feels weird. I know I shouldn't have any obligations since we're not together, but I can't help but want to do things that will make you happy. Talk to you when you're bored, accompany you when you're lonely.
I know you want to keep a distance from me, but it's odd talking to you as merely a friend. Something just feels wrong about it. I want to talk to you like we used too sometimes. It's just like me accidentally calling affectionately, instead of by your name or "Hey".
But I can't. I have no right to do these things now even if I wanted to. It feels... fake. It feels very restrained. I want to talk to you, be with you, but I hate the way it feels now.
I know we can't go back to the way things were. It'll just end up the same again.
I'm 20 tomorrow. What a weird feeling.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:49 AM
Edison Chen has a small penis. And a bikini fetish.
Damn, I have a splitting headache now. Must be the effect of a lack of sleep + gaming + my new Oakleys + kowtowing 109238141234p8123o412 times during prayers today.
Happy CNY everyone. May you get fat ang pows.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
9:25 PM
CNY is a time of hectic rushedness. No, there's no such word, I just made it up.
Run to this temple, then run to that grandma's, then run to this friend's place @_@
So much for it being a holiday. It reminds me of the Army. Rush to wait, wait to rush.
I just discovered that I've been doing for people free, what others charge 30-50 bucks for :O
Maybe I should start charging as well :/
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
11:01 PM
My reunion dinners are always on eve of eve because my mum fasts on the eve.
So I have a day off tomorrow and nothing to do and no one to go out with. Martin is thinking of clubbing, but I'm not sure if I should go, since visiting will be the next day.
My birthday's always on Chinese New Year. It means double hongbao, but no celebration as well. Instead, I have to go to the temple and pray because my mum wants me to. I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in a higher power. I have to say that I don't really believe in God sometimes either.
Religion is a scary thing. I've seen how people can devote their lives to religion, throwing their soul and spirit into it. Imagine one day if you discovered that it's all false. How'd you go on living?
Guns 'N Roses: Estranged
I couldn't find an imeem stream, so youtube will have to do. The video's shit though, only the song is worth listening to.
2131 hours
Packing up my desk. Went through some stuff and found my Pre U Sem SLO file. Brought back memories. Also found my DISC profile. It's supposedly changed by now (a free relatively less detailed one done in Army has revealed that my D and I are almost equal now). Memories, oh memories.
I think I can make up for it with hongbao money :x
Yeah, it feels weird when you shop with a friend. It's better than shopping alone, but not as fun as shopping with someone special.
Met Ho Lun and Pei Zhen today. Haven't seen them in ages.
I try to tell myself that I'm very blessed. I've got many things others lack. But I can't shake off the feeling that this life is missing something somehow, that it's empty in someway. I hope I'm not taking things for granted. I hope I don't become someone who whines about how incomplete his life is without appreciating what he has. I hope I don't become the type of person I hate.
Suck it up and move along, Bryan. Do what you always have.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
8:53 PM
Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes I don't wanna say goodbye to you Love is one big illusion I should try to forget But there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop I'm the one who's feeling lost right now Now you want me to forget every little thing you said But there is something left in my head
Chorus: I won't forget the way you're kissing The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long But I'm not the man your heart is missing That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried Now you wanna say goodbye to me Love is one big illusion I should try to forget There is something left in my head
Chorus
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere Don't know which way to go There ain't so much to say now between us There ain't so much for you There ain't so much for me anymore
