Then I was interested in someone else. She seemed interested too. But she got attached.
Now, I've someone interested in me.
And the person who got attached has apparently broken up with her boy and has started talking to me again.
What the fuck?
I've honestly never been in this sort of situation before. More often than not, I'm the one who's had trouble with affairs of the heart.
And now... GAH.
I don't want to choose between people. Belle's a nice girl, and she's just had a bad experience with a two timer. I don't want her to think I'm doing the same.
I hate all this complex shit.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
10:30 AM
After... After all, we are the same as we always were. We cover and carry on, like everything's copasetic and courage we felt at all, feels like failure overcome.
Sometimes I feel like I can't wake up!
I'm trying to breathe. I wanna let go, so I can feel again. I break up. I'm trying to see if I can let go and feel again.
Sober, we pulled it off. I'm clean and I'm cursed, it's one in all. Forget the chemicals, faking the sense of self and heart.
Sometimes I feel like I can't wake up!
I'm trying to breathe. I wanna let go, so I can feel again. I break up. I'm trying to see if I can let go and feel again.
Wake up! Wake up! I'm not awake. I'm slowly burning away. I'm not ok. I'm falling flat on my face. Down on the pavement, I'm fighting the weight. I'm not awake. I'm slowly burning away.
Sometimes I feel like I can't wake up!
I'm trying to breathe. I wanna let go, so I can feel again. I break up. I'm trying to see if I can let go and feel again.
I'm not awake. Feel again. I'm not ok.
Frigging awesome song.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
11:20 PM
I only bother to give my best when I'm of the verge of losing.
Dammit, I remind myself of Seabiscuit :/
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, April 21, 2008
9:32 PM
Why should I throw away physical memories when I can't forget the mental ones?
I don't know why I feel this way. Why I put myself through the questions. Asking what could I have done, what did I miss out?
It's over. There was nothing I could have done about it. It doesn't matter how hard I tried.
I'm the type of person who will blame myself for anything that goes wrong. I want to break away from that. I want to put the blame on others. I want to say "it's not my fault" instead of always questioning myself.
Why? It's been so long, why do I still feel this way?
Will it be the same again and again and again? Is it really pointless trying? I don't want to go through all that again. I think it's better to just give up on everything completely. If you never try, you'll never fail.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
11:26 PM
Solving problems at work, solving problems at home.
Sometimes, people need to communicate more as compared to refusing to admit you're in the wrong and being defensive.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
10:53 PM
Can you have something to die for if you have nothing to live for?
Weird huh. Guess most people don't think about this sort of stuff.
If you have nothing to live for, you aren't really living. Then, how can you have something to die for, assuming that the something you die for is of greater importance than something you live for?
I've been feeling very unmotivated lately. Yes, I'll admit, I have nothing to live for. Everyday's become almost a routine for me. I just go through the motions of getting the job done and then... I don't know what I'm left with at the end of the day.
If I can't live for myself, I'll live for others. But what if I have no one else to live for either? Life becomes a meaningless journey where I don't know where to stop. No map, no compass. I have no idea where I'm going or how to get there. It's like randomly hopping onto buses and see where they bring me.
Right, so I've spent an entire post emphasizing on the fact that I have no reason in life.
Yes, I have my beliefs; my own moral compass, but no conviction, no thrust or drive. I have an engine to run on, but fuel tank's dry. So I guess I'm stuck here till someone comes along with gas...
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
11:06 PM
Back. Back again.
Need sleep.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
10:18 PM
I think I've begun to learn the art about ceasing to care about things that don't matter to me.
I'm becoming just like everyone else.
I wouldn't say it feels good, but it feels relieving. It's not wonderful, but it feels invigorating.
The less I care, the less things affect me. The less things can hurt me.
Played out today by someone. Waited from 1530 till 2100 hours.
But I don't feel sad or angry. I just feel like... Like, so what? It's hard to explain how you feel when you feel nothing at all. Is that what apathy feels like?
Gone camping again, for maybe 3 or 4 days.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Fucking shag
10:14 PM
Ended work at 8pm today.
I'm gonna be "downgraded" to a driver tomorrow. Detail at 8am.
