Friday, March 20, 2009
6:58 PM
When I was a young stupid innocent boy, I once asked a monk: "What is the meaning of life?".
The monk gave me an answer that I thought didn't make sense and seemed too generic. "Study hard, grow up, work, start your own family, look after your parents." or something along those lines.
They say everyone is born into this world for a reason and that if we don't know what that reason is, then we just haven't found it yet.
Now I know, that's a fucking lie.
The meaning of life, is that, life has no meaning. Life is a tabula rasa; a blank slate. The answer to my questions that many years ago is: You have to find your own meaning in life. And if you can't find one, then create your own meaning. Because life, by itself, is meaningless.
It's through our trials and tribulations, our relationships and experiences, our fears and insecurities, our victories and defeats, our likes, wants, knowledge, opinions that we define and shape our life. Life is a road; life is a game. To some, the destination or result matters the most. Normally, these are goal/task oriented people with an aim in life. To some, the journey or process is more important. These usually turn out to be the social, people oriented folks, the PR/HR guys. To some, neither matter as much as knowing the routes to take, or understanding the rules of the game completely. These people fill in the "detailed, neat, tidy" bracket. And last but not least, the people who don't care where they go or whether they win or lose, as long as everyone ends up in the same place, with the same result without any disagreements. The typical RA (read: Resident Advisor) category; "come on, guys! Let's do this together!".
Heh. Personality profiling? That's all rubbish. We are defined in essence, by the way we view life, by the way we choose to walk it. There's a last missing group though. The people who don't care where they're going, what game they're playing. They don't care whether they win or lose, whether they reach or get lost. We call these people: Psychos.
That's right. The clinically insane. They're just regular people like you and me, except that they view life in a way the majority of us find hard to understand. And because they are different, we label them so.
I don't think it's wrong. To view life as obsolete and bleak. To view the purpose and a journey just as a means of getting somewhere. I think these are the people that enjoy life the most, because they live life as it is: a tabula rasa. Once we have determined our views on life, it is difficult to change it. It is even more difficult to imagine a life without an aim or purpose or a ride worth riding. But these are the people who enjoy the true freedom of life, as it was meant to be.
Life has no meaning in the first place. The people who gave it meaning are you and me. We forced it to have meaning; to make us live. So if we lived life without meaning, would we be living? I'd say yes. Just look at the nutcases in instituitions. They smile to themselves at times for no reason at all, right? To me, that's the smile of victory.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
9:15 PM
So in the end, when we're all dead, what really matters?
How comfortable we're going to be? How much we've studied? What wondrous work we have done for the megalomerates that we waste our youth and lives for who probably don't even care and know who the fuck we are?
If something shouldn't matter so much to you when you're dead, then why does it matter to you so much when you're alive? What a fucking irony.
What are the things we are going to regret? Not coming to work on time? Calling in sick when you can't really be bothered to go to work just to take the day off and enjoy yourself? Or is it things like not spending enough time with the people you love and care about due to your dumbass career that probably didn't put you on Forbes or make you rich enough? Making lots of enemies due to the way you backstab people or piss people off just to get ahead at work?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you'll all be really concerned over petty things you make to be the purpose and crux of your lives when you die.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
1:08 AM
Sometimes I wonder when did I become to pessimistic and cynical. I realised that I've started taking notice of the flaws of human beings in general, of the greed, the selfishness and the disgusting self preservation they engage in.
Yes, they, not we. I don't really consider myself human anymore. I consider myself above them. There's a difference between blindly being consumed by instinct, greed and selfishness and being an observer, aware of these acts and not engaging in them.
Humans. What a bunch of trash. In fact, maybe I'm more human than the fuckers on the buses who don't know how to move to the back, than the retards that stand in front of train doors when people are alighting. More human than human ever was.
I don't want to associate myself with trash. I want to be above it all.
lone wolf syndrome.
