Saturday, April 18, 2009
8:31 PM
I think I'm becoming a sociopath. A heady mix of "I-couldn't-give-a-flying-fuck" and "Since-everyone's-going-to-care-about-themselves-then-nobody's-going-to-care-about-me-except-me".
I feel it might be putting a strain on my relationship too. Sigh, fuck.
I dunno, when it seems everyone's only bothered about themselves, someone who doesn't treat you any different from anyone else isn't the exact thing you'd hope for in your unique "special" someone.
I feel like a mess now, especially since there's nothing more to take my mind off it. Everyday, it's just so... blaringly loud. The world screams at me in deafening silence and I play my music as loud as possible to ignore it.
Sometimes, it works, sometimes, the music isn't loud enough. It doesn't matter what volume I set my iPod too when I don't hear with my ears; I hear with my heart. I guess that's the one big weakness I have. I can't ignore things. I can't sleep well sometimes because of I can't make the thoughts that randomly appear go away. The "nothings" of life are sometimes harder to ignore than the "somethings".
I guess I see the world through negatives; I never notice what's there. I only notice what's missing.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
9:23 PM
This apathy gets worse and worse everyday.
It's like my solution to realising that I'm not like everyone else yet is to join them. The irony.
Where's the exit, ma'am? I need to get out of this place, it reeks of "I-couldn't-care-less" and it's becoming infectious.
lone wolf syndrome.
