As I lay in bed trying to lull the lingering effects of alcohol off, I thought about alot of things.
And I realised, I'm a coward.
Bryan Chia, you are a fucking coward.
When are you going to get off your knees and stand up again?
Are you going to keep hoping someone is coming to pull you up?
What is it you're waiting for?
To be honest... I don't really know myself. Maybe I belong to the 10%.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:36 PM
Oh man. Where to start?
Spooktacular was a waste of time in my opinion. Waaaayyyy too much queueing. Watching Elton sprawled on the floor was the highlight of the entire thing.
We went to Elton's place to drink after Sentosa and I got pretty wasted. I can remember what happened prior to locking myself in the toilet pretty clearly but that's about it. I think it was around 4am when I started puking? I left his place at around 7am, what happened in those 3 hours, I'm not really sure. And I think I broke his toilet seat :/ Sorry Elton.
I really owe you one. Messed up your kitchen and toilet pretty badly last night.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, October 30, 2009
6:58 PM
It's raining cows and pigs.
How to go out? :/
lone wolf syndrome.
2:38 PM
Some Halloween thingy tonight at Sentosa with OG mates.
I don't feel like going drinking tonight after it's over.
The fun of going out and drinking doesn't really appeal to me anymore.
You just kill your liver more and more and it gets harder to get high after every time. Habituation they call it.
I wonder if life is really like the song on my blog now.
Is nothing really real till it's gone?
lone wolf syndrome.
2:32 AM
I should enjoy the journey, and not long for the destination?
Someone please tell me, how to enjoy this.
Or is it through experiencing this journey, that I will better appreciate the destination when I get there?
I know that there's no do-all end-all destination. More like pit stops along the way. Maybe till you're dead, then you're finally there; wherever that may be.
But this journey really bores me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
7:28 PM
I've not felt this tiredness in a long time.
Sick of the monotony of life, sick of going through the motions of this and that.
When are you coming to wake me up?
Stop letting me sleepwalk through my life.
Come shake my world up.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:41 AM
The most traitorous person isn't judged by the quantity of people he's betrayed. He's not judged by the quality or extent of his betrayal. He's judged by who he betrays. That being said, the most traitorous person is the one who betrays himself.
Loyalty to yourself.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
10:01 PM
What's this sudden lack of interest in everything?
Depression? Nope.
Just really really bored and tired.
Don't wanna study, don't wanna eat, don't wanna play games, just wanna sit there and rot.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:34 PM
Wow, I actually got some studying done today.
Read Hajime No Ippo till late last night, haha.
I must say the anime is alot more awesome than the manga though. The voiceacting and music, especially Inner Light give it a completely different atmosphere and experience from reading the manga.
Actually, I really dislike it when there are bad sequels to a good story. The dislike is more of a contempt for the realisation of the cliche "All good things must come to an end" than a dislike for the discrepancy between the sequel and the original. I want the stories to continue and be as awesome as they were, not because they are awesome but because there should be proof, that good things can last.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
7:26 PM
I realised I've been making a mistake.
I always thought I had no way out.
I forgot that, I can always make one.
Even when life gives you no choice, there is still a choice.
There is always a choice, as long as you can see it.
Take a stand, no matter how hard it gets. No matter how painful it seems.
Stick with it, because it's yours and no one in this fucking world can take it from you.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:20 AM
Happiness, don't run too far. These weary legs ache; and I can't catch up.
So finally done with the SE project... I hope. It's up to almost 10 full pages now. 8 on my part and 2 and halfish on Jeshua's part. He still writing out his part now.
So now the only thing on my mind is sleep and EL lecture tomorrow. Or at least it should be.
I can't betray these thoughts, they're like an addiction that won't go away. Yeah, like a poison I need to take.
I realised I'm now officially waaaaaaaayyyyyy behind on readings. Gonna have to catch up in this week. No more stupid wasting time and slacking off, finish all my psych readings this week, then move on to SE and NM readings next week and finish off with PS. EL I realised don't really require readings. Studying the language file readings and the lectures notes are more than enough to score for the exam. How I wish the same could be said for psych and PS. SE and NM are weird, I need both readings and lecture notes. Bah.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill. But did you know, That when it snows, My eyes become large and The light that you shine can be seen.
The light at the end of the tunnel... is that you?
lone wolf syndrome.
1:51 AM
What's this unwillingness? Is the mind fighting against the body?
Or is the heart revolting against both?
Satisfy me, then satisfy yourselves. It seems to say.
If not, I'll make it such that you aren't satisfied either.
Heart, you are an absolute motherfucking bitch.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, October 26, 2009
9:05 PM
No one to turn to sometimes. So I cut off a little bit of myself and let it rot away. Hopefully they grow back someday. Or I may just be a ghost of yesterday, by the time you arrive to fly me away.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:24 PM
This long, dark, empty winding road. I chose it myself, because I believe in that light at the end of tunnel.
Please make it all worth it when I arrive.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
7:34 PM
Jeshua, sometimes you are a pcb. Hurry up and work on our fucking project, I'm not going to do every motherfucking cb thing myself. If I knew it was going to be like this, I would've done it alone.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:10 PM
When something is harder for someone to do, it just means so much more when they do it.
Appreciation is relative to the amount of effort put into something.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:19 AM
Yay. 15 pages in 2 days. Can we do it? Only one way to find out.
God is fair. If you don't want to wait, he gives you a half fuck result. If you wait and persevere, you'll end up with what you want.
Not aloof and disinterested, but shy and insecure.
Personality wise. I'd say we're really alike. People who played FF: CC or watched the ending movie tend to feel sympathy for Zack cos he died. But, I feel sympathy for Cloud.
He didn't have any meaning in his life after that, so he did what Zack told him.
Be the proof I existed.
He lived for someone else. He became that someone else. When you've spent your entire life living for others, you sometimes forget to live for yourself. You sometimes forget, that the one who has to forgive you before you can really feel forgiven is yourself. Sometimes, you don't realise that the person not giving you a chance, isn't the person who told you 'No.'
I wonder when will I let myself crawl out of this place.
lone wolf syndrome.
4:13 AM
Blogger was down this morning.
I've got a bit more to say now anyway.
I just learnt what type of person you can be, and I must say, I'm thoroughly disappointed.
So very, very disappointed.
You became the ugliest person in the world to me after that.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise afterall.
Somehow, that makes me feel... less disappointed with the way things are now.
I shouldn't be so worried. Take your time, Princess. But when you're here, make sure the whole fucking world knows that you're the one for me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
9:36 PM
There's someone for everyone out there.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:08 PM
Change. What for.
Someone told me, evolve or die.
Move along, they say.
It won't matter a couple of years down the road, they say.
Just because everyone thinks that way, doesn't make it right.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
11:11 PM
I realised.
It's not the fact that I don't try that I hate.
It's the fact that I don't want to try.
lone wolf syndrome.
11:07 PM
I know it's pointless.
So why?
Why stand there and hesitate?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
But it doesn't mean if you venture something, you'll gain something out of it.
No one tries because they know they will fail.
They try because they believe they will succeed.
I think I've just crossed that thin line.
Hopeless. Yes, hopeless.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:37 PM
So many things I can't say.
I wish someone would come and rip my heart out. I think it would take the weight off my chest as well.
I'm waiting for you. Hurry up.
I know I'm selfish. I don't want to venture anything anymore. But that doesn't give you an excuse not to.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:39 PM
I'm sorry, I can't do wry smiles.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:03 AM
Man, how do I get back that motivation I had when I first came into university?
Studying everyday in the library. Mugging ffs.
Now it's like, all gone.
Everyday playing computer games, slacking off. Bah.
I don't know what to take Thought I was focused but I'm scared I'm not prepared I hyperventilate Looking for help somehow somewhere And no one cares I'm my own worst enemy
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
7:53 PM
Anyone know where I can find the music video version of Fall to Pieces by Velvet Revolver? I need to check something.
I swear Slash didn't look one bit black in that video.
lone wolf syndrome.
7:18 PM
Huh.
That feeling's back again. I think I'll go sleep, study and play it off.
Don't come bother me, Mr Brownstone.
I've got bigger fish to fry.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, October 19, 2009
11:18 PM
How I wish I knew what the title of this song was earlier. It's awesome.
lone wolf syndrome.
7:37 PM
I just did the most gong cb thing ever.
I made mee goreng soup because I mistook it for the chicken noodles.
Ccb.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
11:07 PM
Excuse me, Sir. Do you have a reservation?
I'm sorry, Ma'am. The entire place has been booked for someone. I'm afraid I can't let you in.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:45 PM
The past few days have been a blur, but I'm having fun. I can't remember when was the last time I allowed myself to sleep at 5am and get up in the afternoon.
Today I got up at 1345, went to the toilet to take a dump and I realised that that supposedly improbable goal may not be too impossible after all.
Oh, and I also realised I'm not as behind on my readings as I thought.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, October 16, 2009
2:06 PM
Huh. How odd. Nothing to blog about, but it's become a habit to come here and say something.
Nothing to blog about is good. It means I have nothing I want to say, but can't.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
11:53 PM
The day you'll be over him is the day you suddenly stop and remember.
Then you'll realise, that you've already forgotten about him.
I can't remember what I saw that from. Some Chinese MV or series I think. Could have been that animated drama Teng Lao Shi showed us back in Zhonghua.
It feels like for once in the longest while, I'm actually doing what I want.
Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but it's fun in it's own way.
It's like watching a movie you really want to watch by yourself.
You won't care about what other people do, be it talking and pointing at you in whispered voices, because you're enjoying the movie so much.
In the pursuit of happiness, I guess I forgot the main point sometimes.
You're not happy because you have what you want; we have endless wants.
We're happy because we've done what we wanted, made the choices we believed were best.
There are many things we want. There are also many things we have. Some things we can lose in an instant.
But you know what? I have many things I can't lose :) It's things like those, that make me happy.
That one last shot's a permanent vacation And how high can you fly with broken wings? Life's a journey not a destination And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl Before you learn to walk But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk I was out on the street, Just a tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay alive
lone wolf syndrome.
7:34 PM
Feeling better today. Hopefully be fully well by tomorrow.
Today's RP posed me an extremely difficult question: Think of an important person, someone whose opinions matter a lot to you.
And I realised that, the most important person to me right now was, myself. I don't care what my parents think or want of me. I don't care what my brothers think or want of me. I don't care what my friends think or want of me. I don't care what anybody thinks or wants of me, except myself.
... well, at least for now.
There is no such thing as luck. Carpe Diem. Seize the moment, because if you don't, nothing will ever be yours.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:03 PM
Based on my self-prognosis, it's upper respiratory tract infection. That means I should be getting a fever some time today.
My reaction is already slowed alot, my mind can't focus right and I feel perpetually lethargic.
Maybe I'll have to cancel driving tomorrow. And probably swimming on Fri.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:18 AM
I think I'm going to die tonight. Been sneezing like hell and my throat feels dry and sore. Turning on the aircon makes it worse, so I'm just going to sleep with the fan on. I don't know if I should wake up to go for SEA lecture if I'm not feeling well... what if there's a pop quiz? Absolutely fucked up.
EDIT: Chao chee bye, I just realised I have RP at 5pm tomorrow as well.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
8:34 PM
I finally tried the PGP Foodcourt Western stall.
Not bad, the Sausage Pasta was quite good. Sauce was very rich and creamy and the veal was excellent. But it's quite pricey at 4.80. Then again, it's veal.
I think I'm falling sick. I've been sneezing my lungs out since PS lecture ended. I started the day with a runny nose and some sneezing but it's been getting worse and worse.
Die. Dunno what's wrong with me. I don't usually fall sick so easily :/
lone wolf syndrome.
7:23 PM
I got 7/10 for my PS test and an A- for my PS midterm essay :D
So happy.
And I have Fruit Tree Fresh Blackcurrant & Aloe Vera and Mango with Nata De Coco <3
One subject down, 4 more to go.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:22 AM
I think I'm overtraining. My reps are getting lower and lower progressively. Gonna stop for 3 days and see how it goes. Guess even if I want to push on, somethings have to wait.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:36 AM
I laughed my heart out, I hope you will too :D
lone wolf syndrome.
12:15 AM
EL is driving me crazy. Trying to find reasons for loanword phonology is plain stupid, because you don't know if it can be a generalisation or not.
Uhg. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, October 12, 2009
11:19 PM
I'm sorry Mr DeAngelo; you give concrete rock solid advice to many poor socically inept saps out there, but when it you start to introduce a nutter who claims to be able to "see" auras as an "expert", you failed.
Epicly. In my eyes anyway.
It almost confirms that all this "dating advice" is pure bullshit. Inner game, confidence, yada yada. There is no such thing as an inner game. Or being "self-asssured".
Anyone who thinks they are not insecure or fear being alone are either delusional or crazy. Stop kidding yourselves, just because you lie to yourself enough that it becomes true; it's still a lie. You can convince yourself, convince everyone around you, but you can never convince me.
Elijah reminds me of someone like that. Sure, he's muscular, rich confident, good looking, but I doubt he's never thought and wondered about the way he's living his life.
All those self motivational talks, dating advice, religious sermons, they're all the same. They make failure seem less of a failure, make you seem more of a champion, but in the end, they're all just lies to feel good about yourself.
You want a real motivational coach? Here's how I've done it all my life: Suck it up and move along.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:45 PM
I hate to admit it, but I guess I miss you.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:44 PM
Psych lecture was unusually boring today.
Lecturer?
Topic?
No one to talk to?
Combination of all?
Probably.
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:34 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
12:26 AM
So I'm awake at 1am editting, proof reading and adding stuff to my group's EL project.
I still feel I'm missing something. Like I lost it along the way, getting here.
After today's game, my Sundays are going to be incredibly free. It's weird. It's liberating, and yet so binding at the same time.
I guess I'm going to do something different for a change. I'm going to talk about myself; like, really about myself.
I have very few friends. A select few I'd consider my good friends, an even more select few I'd consider true friends. I don't trust people easily, and it's part of my nature since I was young.
Trust people, and they stab you in the back (accused of scolding a teacher cb in primary school? That's the earliest one I remember). Trust people and they steal your things (an FFX game DVD and Nokia handphone among others). Trust people and they hurt you (oh so many to talk about). Trust people and they use you (make you pay for them, become their "part-time boyfriend" among other things). Most importantly, trust people and they take you for granted (I wonder sometimes, who hasn't?). It's all happened to me before, so in reality, I may seem to get along well with many people, but honestly, they are just better, nicer strangers to me sometimes.
Yeah, I don't have much friends. And I don't actively try to deepen my friendships with people too. I just let whatever happens happen. Hence, I don't really "go out" with friends, or talk to them, or do stuff together with them. I guess I'm quite the hedgehog. The analogy of 2 hedgehogs huddling together for the warmth in winter fits me perfectly. If they stay apart, they'll get cold and lonely, but they closer they get, the more they hurt each other with their sharp quills. As such, I don't really talk about alot of things; my problems, worries, dreams, aspirations, feelings and intents. I don't even know if they'll care or believe.
But. It's intriguing, when these people somehow consider you their good friend. Or a best friend. When you didn't really think of them in the same way. Sometimes, there are people who ask you out to do stuff together out of the blue, or just... do the things friends do.
So there you have it. That's the side of me, that's really introverted and quiet. I don't know why I decided to show a glimpse of this side of me for once; it goes against the hedgehog's dilemma. Maybe I'm falling into the naive "if-I-shed-my-quills-maybe-someone-will-do-the-same-to" mindset again.
I really can't stand people sometimes. But you know what? I can't stand myself more.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
7:18 PM
4th place.
2 - 3.
Made me feel like I wasted my time there. Should stayed at home and finished up the EL project.
Or even got started on DDO with Alex.
Alot of things I want to say, but I don't know who reads this blog, so I think as usual, it's better kept to myself.
About the black and white and grey comparison. I realised I made a little mis-comparison, but I don't feel like rewriting that piece; it has it's own significance, so I decided to do another.
Technicolor, technicolor; monochrome world.
Backgrounds, highlights, emotions swirl.
Rigid, unrelenting, strong and fierce.
Black is boring? Maybe; but hearts it can pierce.
Some of us, black. Some of us white.
Some of us multicolored, but what's inside?
Everything has a side, that it doesn't let anyone see.
It may be something on the outside, but it's nobody to me.
It maybe nothing special on the outside, but its inside fresh;
A different story, special glory; sweet tender flesh.
It doesn't matter, what you appear to be.
You don't see what I see; you can never be me.
Don't judge a book by its cover, that's the moral here.
Cos if you do, one day, it'll come back to haunt you.
Everything exists in different shades, more often than not, what's inside is completely different from what's outside. The colorful ones, I shall call them, are often filled with boring colors in the inside; while those who are shades of grey, black and white, are usually those who are amazingly intriguing when you open them up.
It doesn't matter if you're reading this and don't get this post, because I'm sure, someday, you will :)
lone wolf syndrome.
12:18 PM
My stomach is still fucked up.
We are 8 men today because of suspensions and injuries. So going to get raped.
This place feels so white, and feels so black.
But it doesn't feel grey at all.
There's no in between, cos there's nobody.
And then there's me.
But I'm not anybody.
I'm that nobody you remember.
That somebody you forget.
I exist here in this place.
Along with all the nobody elses.
But they can't see me, and I can't see them.
Cos everybody here.
Is black and white.
There's no grey in this place at all.
And everybody is invisible.
Cos this place feels so black and white.
And everybody is grey inside.
But nobody here is grey outside.
Black and white, black and white.
Why are you all so black, and yet so white?
Show me that shade I can't understand.
Show me something I can see.
But if you did.
You can't stay here.
Cos you'd be somebody.
And not nobody like me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
11:57 PM
I feel sick.
My stomach's been acting up the entire day and I have this headache that is killing me.
At least I managed to squeeze some work in before this.
Good night, world.
See you tomorrow.
How I wish I had someone who'd care about me now.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:31 PM
I took off the plaster and went to take a bath. Big mistake. It hurt like fsck.
I'm going to need plasters for tomorrow.
lone wolf syndrome.
7:59 PM
When I feel fucking pissed or down nowadays, I don't really have anyone to talk to.
Fucking dulan right now and the only way I can do anything about it is talk about it here.
My relationship with my parents is so full of fucking bullshit sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:19 PM
My leg is covered in blisters and sores from yesterday's ice skating :(
I guess it's good I'm playing keeper tomorrow; won't have to run as much.
No personal motivation to get started on my EL project. But there's 3 people who will kill me if I don't, so guilt and fear is a pretty good motivator :/
Alex has introduced me to this new game, D&D Online. Ok well, not new but it's free now. I wonder if I should play and get hooked again, haha.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:06 PM
Never managed to wake up to run cos of the late night at Da Tou's house.
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill
lone wolf syndrome.
1:59 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
4:48 AM
When one door closes, another opens?
I dunno. Is that true?
I've posted this I think probably 3 times at least somewhere in the annals of my blog, but I'll post it again.
I don't need someone who wants to take the limo with me, I need someone who'd be willing to wait for the bus with me when the limo breaks down.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, October 09, 2009
11:54 AM
YdIntwnt2cu?
Esplyntwh.
ItIwsspsd2bovt.
Maybe I was naive.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
10:44 PM
It feels so weird, this freedom does.
Maybe it's time to play the game once again? Or should I just keep the status quo? Go level up he says. Grind more he says.
Hah, what an irony, life is just like an MMORPG; an endless grind. Improvements after improvements, so close yet so far. In the end, people quit completely. But what's there to quit in life? After you log off, where do you end up; what do you do?
Ability; an odd concept. Can doesn't mean will and shall. Talent thrives and nature vs nuture. So what am I looking at?
Am I incoherent because of the lack of sleep? Mayhaps.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill
I like his quotes, many of them; alot.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:25 PM
Well I been thinking about the future But I'm too young to pretend It's such a waste to always look behind you Should be lookin' straight ahead
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on Before we meet again Yeah, it's hard If you had've only seen
10.34: Flinders Street Station I'm lookin' down the tracks Uniformed man askin' am I paid up Why would I wanna be that?
Yeah gonna have to move on Before we meet again Yeah it's hard If you had have only seen Take control Don't be afraid of me
'Cause every once in a while You think about if your gonna get yourself together You should be happy just to be alive And just because you just don't feel like comin' home Don't mean that you'll never arrive
Yeah I'm gonna have to move on Before we meet again Yeah it's hard If you had have only seen Take control Don't be afraid of me
Well I been thinking about the future But I'm too young to pretend It's such a waste to always look behind you Should be lookin' straight ahead
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on Before we meet again Yeah, it's hard If you had've only seen
10.34: Flinders Street Station I'm lookin' down the tracks Uniformed man askin' am I paid up Why would I wanna be that?
Yeah gonna have to move on Before we meet again Yeah it's hard If you had have only seen Take control Don't be afraid of me
'Cause every once in a while You think about if your gonna get yourself together You should be happy just to be alive And just because you just don't feel like comin' home Don't mean that you'll never arrive
Yeah I'm gonna have to move on Before we meet again Yeah it's hard If you had have only seen Take control Don't be afraid of me
lone wolf syndrome.
4:42 PM
4 hours of sleep, punctuated by Psych tutorial and finishing up the CNM assignment. All the American stereotypes about university life are a big fat lie. There are no drunk frat parties, no incredibly hot, easy women, no partying every day and going into lectures drunk or stoned. It's all study study study.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
10:58 PM
EL test was easy peasy.
I played God knows how many hours of dota with Eden today. Gah, have to stop this habit if playing in school.
My elbow's squeaky :/
lone wolf syndrome.
12:49 AM
Makes me wonder if I should tell you the ending to the story.
Or let you live in your fairytale world?
It's what you decided for yourself. Don't go back on it.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:12 AM
I guess if I never leave my fortress, I won't know what's on the outside.
Is it naive to wait for someone who'll actually be curious enough to come in and explore?
It's no use talking to myself when I can't give him the answers that I do not possess.
But, I guess, Bryan; if you're not willing to give, then you have to be prepared to never receive either.
Something missing Left behind Search in circles Every time I try I've been here before I've seen you before
I can't escape winding down these halls Hard to find a place where there are no walls And no lines begging me to cross Only straight ahead better move along
Like Clockwork I commit the crime I pretend to be everything they like I've been here before I've seen you before
I can't escape winding down these halls Hard to find a place where there are no walls And no lines begging me to cross Only straight ahead better move along
And I trade everything for this And I trade everything for this Why do I read the writing on the wall Why do I read the writing on the wall
I won't lose my place in line I've been here too long and I've spent too much time I won't lose my place in line I've been here too long and I've spent too much time
Something missing Left behind Search in circles Every time I try I've been here before I've seen you before
I can't escape winding down these halls Hard to find a place where there are no walls And no lines begging me to cross Only straight ahead better move along
And I trade everything for this And I trade everything for this Why do I read the writing on the wall Why do I read the writing on the wall
Why do I read the writing on the wall
Why do I read the writing on the wall?
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, October 05, 2009
11:42 PM
There's no such thing as a free lunch in this world.
Waiting around won't do any good. But with no opportunities available, what else can I do?
lone wolf syndrome.
3:39 PM
Until he fell, that place was sacred ground.
I understand now, why I'm in this town again.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
11:28 PM
I think too much sometimes.
But, that's just the way I am :(
lone wolf syndrome.
8:09 PM
Oh, I wanted to blog about this on Thursday, but I totally forgot.
I have a new love in my life <3
Her name?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Gillette Shaving Gel <3
It's like a hundred billion times better than shaving foam or soap. Razor just glides off your skin and it leaves a nice cooling sensation behind. Abso-spanking-lutely fan-fucking-tistic.
lone wolf syndrome.
7:51 PM
HFC scored the first goal.
Then Aldersgate equalised.
And scored 2 more.
First half ended with us down 1 - 3.
We came back 3 - 3 in the second half.
And lost 3 - 4 in injury time.
All that's said has been said and all that's done has been done.
We lost. But I still do believe we played well. Not every team can come back from a 3 - 1 raping. We showed we had character and were as good as them.
Looks like we'll be competing for 3rd place but with the no. of suspensions and injuries, it doesn't look likely that we're bringing home any brass.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
11:54 PM
I've found a new way to exercise. It's got 2 practical benefits :D also good for working out the kink in my left elbow that's been bothering me ever since I sprained it.
lone wolf syndrome.
11:05 PM
When you're at the end of the road And you lost all sense of control And your thoughts have taken their toll When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass And the hangover doesn't pass Nothing's ever built to last You're in ruins
lone wolf syndrome.
11:01 PM
Another wasted Saturday.
Went to Tim's place for D&D. Then came home and played computer games all the way. No study. Sigh.
Tomorrow will be barber then soccer. Why am I living every weekend like this?
lone wolf syndrome.
5:27 PM
Because courage is not the absence of fear.
Because justice is not the absence of unfairness.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, October 02, 2009
11:18 PM
It's ok to wonder.
Laying on your bed thinking.
Wondering why
do you have that sinking feeling.
It's ok to stay awake.
If you don't want to sleep.
Sometimes your thoughts
just run too deep.
It's ok to hope.
And say a little prayer
Prince Charming is somewhere
Don't worry, he's listening.
It's ok to dream.
About that perfect girl.
Juliet is out there,
Don't worry, she's waiting.
This is an anthem
For all the lonely souls.
Don't give up hope
Love will eventually follow.
Don't say it's pointless
Because everyone bleeds
Invisible blood
That no one can see.
Just remember that
You're not on your own.
We're all one and the same
Everyone feels alone.
But have faith,
Knowing someday
You'll meet someone equally empty
To whom you can say
"I love you."
Without having to worry
About getting hurt
Or having them say "Sorry"
"You're not my type."
"I think we should be"
"Just friends for now."
"Us together, I really can't see."
Someone who'll hold you
As close as can be
Who'll treasure you and accept you
For all that you be.
There's someone out there
Just like that.
How do I know?
Cos I'm still waiting :)
I don't know when did I start to use poems and prose to describe how I feel. I guess the fact that I used to love reading plays a part. That's not saying that I still don't like to read, but I suppose I realised, what happens in books, happens in book. It's better to go out and experience things yourself rather than immerse oneself in that world where the end has already been determined before you flipped the first page.
I'm more interested in the hunt for my own end; something that I tell myself I can change, and yet seems strangely predetermined at the same time. Maybe, I'm just part of a book as well, a figment of imagination in the author's mind. I don't even know if I'm a supporting character or the protagonist. But at least to me, I'm the protagonist of my own story.
lone wolf syndrome.
4:40 PM
My phone has recently been pissing me off. It likes to self delete songs, merge 2 songs into one, place one song under the title of another and many more. Oh not to mention refusing to remove some of the songs when I delete them via USB connection.
So I have to delete my 350+ songs and readd them. Loooooonnnngggg.
24+ hours of songs :/
Bah, I got stuck in an awkward situation yesterday on the bus. My ez link card's already expired :/ And I had to pay my bus fare with coins. The exact right amount in 5, 10 and 20 cent coins, thankfully. When I got to Harbourfront there was retardedly long queue to change for the next CEPAS cards at the ticket office. And another long queue for buying tickets. So I cabbed home.
I'm bored. Life's lacking that kick again.
You can never do kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will too late. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Doesn't that apply to everything though?
EDIT: Oh man, I just realised that ezlink card expiring means it's October already! Wtf.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:32 AM
Isn't it strange that we talk least about the things we think about the most? - Charles A. Lindbergh
No, Mr Lindbergh, it's not :)
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
11:48 PM
Don't disappoint me, Princess. You're not supposed to.
So I'll patiently wait for you to come. But promise me you'll turn up. And you won't be late.
