I feel sick though, my chest feels heavy. I think I caught a flu again :/
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
5:21 PM
I can't seem to study the day before exams.
Oh noes.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:43 AM
I've figured it out.
People don't need another person to make them happy. But once they've tasted what additional happiness being with someone else can bring, they set that as their frame of reference.
Simply put, we can never be satisfied with what we have, that's why we always want the best for ourselves.
Yeah, I've figured it out.
It's not companionship we're after, but just that fleeting, neverending pursuit of happiness. We're quite smart and at the same time quite dumb. We know what we want: happiness. But we use all the wrong means and ends to get it. We are happy. We were happy. You just have to remember how you felt back then and go back to it.
I guess I forgot something I believed in a long while back.
The secret to being happy is to be content with what you have.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:35 AM
Ah yes.
Because this world doesn't make sense.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:08 AM
So tell me.
What's wrong?
Everything's alright.
But still, something's missing.
I don't quite understand it either.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, November 23, 2009
8:38 PM
Another song, but embedding disabled by youtube, bleh. Go search for it yourself if you want, it's awesome as well.
Owl City - Fireflies
You would not believe your eyes If ten million fireflies Lit up the world as I fell asleep Cause they'd fill the open air And leave tear drops everywhere You'd think me rude but I would just stand and Stare
I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns, slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep Cause everything is never as it seems
Cause I'd get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach my how to dance A foxtrot above my head A sock-hop beneath my bed The disco ball is just hanging by a thread (Thread, thread...)
I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns, slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep Cause everything is never as it seems (When I fall asleep)
Leave my door open just a crack (Please take me away from here) Cause I feel like such an insomniac (Please take me away from here) Why do I tire of counting sheep? (Please take me away from here) When I'm far too tired to fall asleep (Ha-ha)
To ten million fireflies I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes I got misty eyes as they said farewell (Said farewell) But I'll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (Jar, jar, jar...)
I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns, slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep Cause everything is never as it seems (When I fall asleep) (2x)
I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns, slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep Because my dreams are bursting at the seams
lone wolf syndrome.
8:30 PM
When you feel so close to some resolve And you write the words you were writing for But your courage gets dissolved Into what, I don't know...
When you feel that way again You have to stop your thinking And think of what you're here for And let the rest of your feelings go
You've got to find your balance You've got to realize You've got to try to find what's right before your eyes And if you find you've fallen And all your grace is gone Just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on
When you feel so close to some resolve And you say the things that you're standing for Don't let your courage get dissolved Cause it's then that the fear grows
You've got to find your balance You've got to realize You've got to try to find what's right before your eyes And if you find you've fallen And all your grace is gone Just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on
Just give me the word and I’ll be there Show me the words that I’ve been living for Just tell me the things you’re not afraid for It’s do or die, this is either or
Just give me the word and I'll be there
Just give me the word and I'll be there
You've got to find your balance You've got to realize You've got to try to find what's right before your eyes And if you find you've fallen And all your grace is gone Just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on
You've got to find your balance You've got to realize You've got to try to find what's right before your eyes And if you find you've fallen And all your grace is gone Just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
11:58 PM
Why must I wake up at 6am tomorrow?
To go to school to do CNM revision with friends? Holy shit man, what sort of hole did I dig my stupid self into this time?
Sure oversleep.
lone wolf syndrome.
11:23 PM
Actually, come to think of it...
I'm different.
Not because I've changed, actually. I don't know how to explain it. The me 5 years ago and the me today are different. Not worlds apart, but... just different. In a good way too I suppose :)
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, November 20, 2009
10:58 PM
I have weird taste in music.
I think there's just a mental break in my image and the type of music I like.
Like, people can't imagine me listening to this sort of stuff.
Oh well.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:57 PM
It always rains like hell on the losers day parade.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:32 AM
I really wonder how you're able to do it, Mashiro. It's nice to be so innocent and have that much faith. Then again, if anyone had someone like Azuki, they'd probably be able to have that much faith as well. Haha, I'm blogging to characters in a manga about mangas. How much lamer can that be? But then, it's almost like I can hear their responses and feel happy for them too.
Sometimes, I feel I can empathise with fictional character better than real people.
Maybe it's because those fictional characters feel more human than humans do.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
6:49 PM
"The most dangerous weapon in the world isn't a bomb, or a gun, or a blade, or even some secret martial art. The most dangerous weapon in the world is an idea; it is the hardest to disarm and the easiest to proliferate." - Bryan Chia, 2009.
Anyway, the song isn't by Kanye West and it's not called Stronger :)
His song has a completely different idea behind it. More Nietzsche than anything else. And it's rap, not electronic music.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:23 AM
One last vid before I go to bed. Oh man, they changed so much since then. I like their look and vocals in their Abbey Road vids better, more mellowed out, more mature. Vocals also more expressive and emotional in those vids.
Right off to bed. Hopefully, I'll get more study done tomorrow. Today was an almost totally wasted day.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:47 AM
I guess,
simply put
.
.
.
I get no kick out of life.
"If you are going to go through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
Man, I would love to donate to some websites, but I don't have a credit card :(
Sites like wikipedia that run on donations really deserve donations for helping the billions of people everyday learn new things, finish academic assignments and whatnot.
Or those give food to the poor sites like feedachild.org or freerice.com (don't bother with what idiots say about it being a scam, at least they are doing something to help).
It doesn't need to be alot. 10 dollars will go a long way, especially when it's the thought that's more important.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:35 PM
I don't need a Jessica Alba or a Megan Fox. Just someone like this.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
11:05 PM
I feel like I'm being stifled and I don't know why.
... Or maybe I do, but just don't want to say it.
Feels like a seal on me that I can't release myself.
I don't know how to explain it well either.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:32 AM
Stereotype antithesis.
The death of a million is just a statistic.
Living testament to the old adage
Never judge a book by its cover.
And good night to the poets, the dreamers, the songbirds, the lovers, the romantics, and the pretenders.
Good night and till next time
Goodbye.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, November 16, 2009
8:40 PM
Finally got started. Not stress or fear, but by my own choice.
I think it would be cool if I knew how to write melodies.
I guess everyone has something they can do, and things they can't.
Yep, so I reformatted my phone's memstick today and retransferred all my songs. Hopefully it doesn't screw up anymore.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, November 13, 2009
10:03 PM
Because a girl like you's impossible to find.
You're impossible to find.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
1:29 AM
Man, I realised how neurotic I sounded.
I'm fucking myself in a post for posting something.
But I think I really deserve a slap in the face for demanding that.
No expectations, huh?
I guess, you're my dream girl for a reason. Because you're a dream.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:17 AM
Maybe I'm being too demanding.
Love shouldn't have expectations.
I expect so much of someone before even meeting them.
Who the fuck do you think you are, Bryan?
Don't delude yourself.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:44 AM
Today was a good day.
Everything that could possibly happen unexpectedly (in a good way), happened.
Chilled out at deck playing FB with Linda.
Ate dinner with Ho Lun.
Then played badminton.
Then suddenly had this awesome cool moment with my NM tut mates. We all randomly decided to add each other on msn, lol.
Consolation prize for my bitching last night? :)
It's not that I can't wait. But make sure you're worth it :P
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
12:47 AM
Insomnia.
It's back, it's back.
Maybe I should go see a quack.
But I don't think there's anything one could do to help me either.
Did I fail to resolve one of my psychosocial stages of development somewhere?
Maybe. I think the most obvious answer is that I failed to resolve the very first stage of development: Trust vs Mistrust.
Hence, failing that, I failed to resolve all my other stages of development as well.
Erikson unfortunately doesn't tell us how we can help people who fail to resolve the principal challenges in our psychosocial stages.
Or perhaps, I've resolved the challenges before and they have recurred at this stage of my life. So, if I've successfully resolved them before, why am I unable to now?
Nothing worth fighting for, no one worth dying for.
That's the only explanation I can come up with now.
Everything that encompasses my beliefs have failed to materialise.
And so I keep waiting for them to come.
I've given up looking for you, because they say that if I do, you'll appear. When are you going to turn up?
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
11:40 PM
Ego defense mechanism.
I am one.
One big walking ego defense mechanism.
lone wolf syndrome.
11:35 PM
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting Could it be that we have been this way before I know you don't think that I am trying I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe Because tonight will be the night That I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I won't live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended I always swore to you I'd never fall apart You always thought that I was stronger I may have failed but I have loved you from the start
Oh, But hold your breathe Because tonight will be the night That I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I won't live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find It's impossible So breathe in so deep Breathe me in I'm yours to keep And hold on to your words Cause talk is cheap And remember me tonight When you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night That I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I won't live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night That I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I won't live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find You're impossible to find
lone wolf syndrome.
5:49 PM
It must be destiny.
There is no other comprehendable reason why so many lonely souls out there are unable to meet and complete each other.
I think Freud, Jung and Horney would have found me an amazingly interesting person.
For someone who believes so strongly in being the master of his own destiny, subscribes to destiny and fate when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Or perhaps the environments and many experiences have nurtured me this way.
Psychology is such an interesting subject. Somehow, though, I'm also afraid to learn more about myself.
The more I learn, the less I seem to know me.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:18 AM
I decided to embark on a little writing experiment. I initially thought of doing it in blog form, but if it's in chapters, it'll be weird if chapter one is right at the end.
So I'm using FB notes. Yep.
It's a story. Don't bother asking me what it is about or how things are going to turn out. I came up with the concept in 5 mins in the shower. I think once a couple more chapters are fleshed out, it's going to be very interesting :)
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, November 09, 2009
10:43 PM
Why do I get the feeling I'm missing something?
lone wolf syndrome.
10:09 PM
Comics are a nice reprieve from reality sometimes :)
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
10:52 PM
While people change, I stay the same.
Or is it
While I stay the same, people change?
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...
lone wolf syndrome.
9:24 PM
So like this... it's alright, right?
Yeah. You're right.
The way it's always been.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
10:46 PM
Please don't make your fucking problems my fucking problems.
You are not my responsibility.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:37 PM
I'm gonna ask you so you understand What you done with your time Oh think it over baby Just keep walkin' on Until you find your man
Don't it feel so bad? Well I'm used to that Don't it feel so bad? Get used to that
Don't push it baby Please don't go too far I swear I love ya Just the way you are
SOLO
All this justice in my hands And what you done with your time? I could stand it if I just keep breathin' oh What you done with your time?
Don't it feel so bad? Well I'm used to that Don't it feel so bad? Get used to that
Don't push it baby Please don't go too far I swear I love ya Just the way ya are Oh skin and bones baby Yes you are my star I swear I love ya Just the way you are
Don't push it baby Please don't go too far I swear I love ya Just the way ya are Oh skin and bones baby Yes you are my star I swear I love ya Just the way you are
Don't push it baby
lone wolf syndrome.
1:01 AM
I am the personification of the Hedgehog's Dilemma.
A walking contradiction of sorts.
Oh where oh where has my princess gone?
Romantic; yet rational.
Idealistic; yet a realist.
Longing; yet unready.
Willing; yet afraid.
Oh where oh where can she be?
Her eyes bright and twinkling
And her hair so long
Oh where oh where can she be?
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
6:47 PM
Always hiding in your shell,
Not wanting to come out and play.
Afraid of scrapped knees and broken hearts,
Afraid of yourself more than others.
Yet alone you stay,
happy you say.
Nothing is what I get
from your glance.
Your cold embrace,
your unearthly grace.
Not wanting to be,
someone because you're afraid.
Afraid of pain,
Yet still longing for gain.
You don't see how stupid it is.
You resign to fate,
like a loser's parade.
Tell yourself what's meant to be is meant to be.
Tired of trying to seize the day.
Tired of trying to cull this pain.
Like a disease
it breeds.
A new fear, a new greed.
When the fuck are you
going to crawl up and stand
on your own two feet again?
When are you going to finally
give the person who needs that chance;
yourself. Not anybody else.
Only when you know for sure
that nobody's coming to save you.
That I think
I'll be able to get up again.
Then again
Maybe not; I think, here I'll lay.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:27 PM
Sometimes I'm really depressed by what goes on around me.
Materialism has become a huge part of many people's lives nowadays. So blind, they don't even realise it sometimes.
I try not to judge people by their looks, by their belongings, by their material wealth. But it seems that's the standard now. I'm the abnormal one.
It disappoints me, it saddens me.
Money can never buy you the important things in life. Looks can only get you so far and for so long.
It's ok if you don't agree with me. You're not me, you don't know what I've been through.
How I wish people would focus on the important things instead.
Embedding disabled. Just go watch it, this girl is going to make it big. Fucking big.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:21 AM
Fate.
That's my bubble to fall back into when things don't work out.
My form of cognitive dissonance to rationalize all the irrationalities in life.
Just not fated.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, November 02, 2009
10:53 PM
Social Psych makes me feel rather pessimistic about myself :(
lone wolf syndrome.
9:18 PM
It's just that, when you have nothing for sale, don't expect anyone to buy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
4:04 PM
I have never understood why MDA blocks porn sites.
Possession of pornography is illegal, yes.
But according to the MDA site:
The MDA does not monitor or track users' access to any sites on the Internet & does not interfere with what individuals access in the privacy of their homes.Primarily concerned with the purveyors & distributors of pornography.Unless you engage in such activities,the mere act of visiting such sites is not an offence.
So why even block them? Not like those who know a little thing or two about networking cannot find a workaround.
Oh ya, same goes for those anti-government sites.
Sometimes, I just don't understand Singapore.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:53 PM
I have no idea why my body is aching everyday. Uhg. Makes me feel like I did some ridiculously strenuous activity... or got beaten up.
Brazilian kick getting more and more fluid now :D
Wonder what to learn next.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:20 AM
No more getting drunk.
I feel like I wasted the entire day today because of that. Head felt spinny-groggy and I couldn't sit down to do my PS essay at all.
Stomach still acting up and body aching in weird places, so I decided against weights and statics (how to hit my goal like that? :/)
Somemore thanks to the makeup sleep, I'm still awake now. That probably means no waking up early for a run tomorrow.
