Saturday, January 30, 2010
3:04 AM
I can't stand stupid people.
Really piss me off.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 29, 2010
10:42 PM
I find it amusing sometimes that I can know a theory I don't know the name of, but understand.
I learnt about the law of large numbers a long time ago while reading up forums for DotA guides (yes, ironic). I learnt it when I learnt how bashing calculation was determined when 2 seperate rolls of the similar/different probabilities were executed.
Today, I just discovered it's encapsulated by a theory known as the law of large numbers.
That I just taught it to my math major friend :D
lone wolf syndrome.
10:34 PM
Let's play hopscotch in malls. Let's drive fast with the top down. Let's turn up the music as loud as it'll go. Let's put a couch on an island in the middle of the freeway and wave at everyone on their way to work. Let's hug strangers in parking lots. Let's hand out secret messages at traffic lights. Let's make lists of all the things that make us smile and tick them off, one at a time. The world will carry on without you and me when we're gone. Let it carry on without us, today.
The more I read that blog, the more I feel I find bits and pieces of myself on it.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:16 PM
I hate to hear myself talk to myself.
Just shut up.
Shut up and let the head do the thinking.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:44 AM
If there's one thing in the world I really hate, it's waiting.
Waiting and not being sure if something is coming.
But still, waiting nonetheless, because you have no choice.
Waiting not because you have to, but because you want to. And yet, you don't want to wait.
I hate that type of waiting.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
10:41 PM
And I've seen what you make for money and I've seen what you do for fame. I've seen what you do to make people like you and I've seen what you swallow to ease the pain. I've heard what you say out of malice and I've heard what you spat out of spite.
But none of these things make you happy because not one was done for love.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
8:37 PM
I am so fucking tired today.
I just experienced odd week Wednesday #1.
Never going to do 6 hour straight lectures ever again.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:02 AM
Dating is retarded.
It is a process by which one hides all their flaws and try to bring their best in order to captivate their target partners.
The "cooling down" period is basically the time when the dumbfuck that has been dating you realises that you're not always beautiful/smart/intelligent/humorous/blahblahblah and can be quite a ditz/bimbo/asshole/annoyingSOB/whinyneedybitch/bastard/whatever.
And if they can accept you for that, BAM! TRUE LOVE!!!!1111 IT'SOVER9000!!!!111
...
Right?
No, absolute BS. I will not go through a whole fucking load of people who just want to show me how fake they can be and neither am I willing to present myself as the perfect soulmate for all women on Earth.
I am me. I have my strong points; I won't show you what they are because I don't think you deserve to know as of yet. I will however, show you what I'm not.
I refuse to be part of this stupid mating cycle in which people fake their way into the hearts of others. I can be the dangerous, narcissistic, confident, funny guy. But why should I? That's not me; just because I can doesn't mean I want to.
I guess this is means for me to sublime my frustration as well. I put the blame of others, I make them look dumb and stupid to make up for the fact that I am in fact, quite a lonely person.
Cognitive dissonance revisited. And borrowing on the Freud's Relief theory as well.
Why the fuck am I self analyzing my own blog post at 2 fucking am when I have a damn 10am lecture tomorrow? Or today, technically. And now I'm talking to myself. I really don't know.
For the past few days, I've been feeling really fucked up. I know myself for a fact, that I've been viewing the world through grey tinted glasses. Maybe even black tinted glasses. I think once in a while I've got to really let it go, let it out and scream my lungs out till they hurt more than I ever could.
Well, nobody really reads this anyway. Why do I even bother sometimes?
/endrant
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
11:52 PM
Sometimes I think I'm fighting against human nature.
I'm forcibly suppressing things.
Should I just let it go?
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 25, 2010
9:57 PM
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/734069587.html
Everyone should read this.
It's things like these that give me reason to carry on everyday.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:14 PM
You know.
My life isn't interesting.
I don't meet hot babes, I don't go clubbing, I don't rub shoulders with the rich and famous.
...
Thank god for that.
I think that has helped me become the person I am. And I wouldn't give anything for it.
I don't see why I should do something just because I can. I do things because I want to.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
11:04 PM
Do you feel lucky, punk?
lone wolf syndrome.
2:20 PM
Just finished my *cough* homework.
Now to get started on the FMA project thing-a-ma-jig.
Everyday feels so... dreamy. Like I'm just biding my time in life.
I need some excitement in this boring life of mine.
I hope you live in interesting times.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 22, 2010
12:19 AM
I played badminton without stretching.
My right buttcheek aches now :(
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
10:54 PM
If you wanna see some action
Gotta be the center of attraction
Make sure that they got their eyes on you
Like the face that you see on every magazine
Be the focus of attention
Be the name that every one must mention
Come out from the shadows, it's your time
Cos tonight is the night for everyone to see
-Its natural-
You know that this is where you gotta be
It must be your destiny
-Sensational-
And you believe that
This is what you're waited for
And it's you that they all adore, so baby
Now you feel like number one
Shining bright for everyone
Living out your fantasy, the
Brightest star for all to see
Now you feel like number one
Living out your fantasy, you're the
Brightest star there's ever been
Feel the heat that's all around you
Flashing lights and ectasy surround you
Everybody wants a piece of you
You're the queen of the scene, living in a dream
-Its natural-
You know that this is where you gotta be
It must be your destiny
-Sensational-
And you believe that
This is what you're waited for
And it's you that they all adore, so baby
Now you feel like number one
Shining bright for everyone
Living out your fantasy, the
Brightest star for all to see
This is what you're waited for
And it's you that they all adore
Now you feel like number one
Shining bright for everyone
Living out your fantasy, the
Brightest star for all to see
Now you feel like number one
Living out your fantasy, you're the
Brightest star there's ever been
lone wolf syndrome.
7:30 PM
I took a 2 hour nap and I'm still tired.
I think I'm developing nacrolepsy. Or hypersomnia. If this carries on, I'm going to see a doc for some meds and probably sleeping pills.
lone wolf syndrome.
4:56 PM
I don't know what's wrong with me recently.
I'm so tired, so lethargic.
I overslept and missed GEK1544 lect today. And nearly missed my FMA as well.
Fuck man, I can sleep 10-12 hours and still feel tired. Wtf is wrong with me? :/
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mama take this badge from me
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Mama put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That cold black cloud is comin' down
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
"You just better start sniffin' your own
rank subjugation jack 'cause it's just you
against your tattered libido, the bank and
the mortician, forever man and it wouldn't
be luck if you could get out of life alive"
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
I feel conflicted when you knock on my door.
I'm going to sleep this off.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 18, 2010
11:47 PM
Maybe Marx was right. This
material consciousness is like a plague.
I see it everywhere, everyday.
It's agonisingly pathetic, infuriatingly consuming.
Religion isn't even religion anymore. Commercialised, industrialised.
Paper chase, rat race, beauty literally being skin deep.
I can't take it anymore. Someone save me from humanity; fly me to the moon.
She's taking time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying, "Mama never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's sayin
Chorus
I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
All her friends, well they've been trialed for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith
It's like a journey I just don't have a map for"
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
She's saying
Chorus
I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
Hold on, hold on ...
Mama never loved her much
And, Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's saying
Chorus(2x)
I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
yeaaaah ...
I think she went because she was like me. Sick of this damned planet.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:16 PM
I think everyday I lose more and more hope in humanity.
Someone once told me that we shouldn't judge how normal crazy people can be sometimes cos they're crazy. They may do something perfectly normal, like eat dinner, watch a movie, and laugh at a joke, but they're still crazy. I wanted to tell him that it's not that they do normal things out of the blue. Crazy people do normal things to stay crazy, just like normal people do crazy things to stay sane.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:08 PM
I don't know how the fuck do people study in the 2nd week of school.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
4:57 AM
Haha.
Kthxbai.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 15, 2010
12:41 PM
I suddenly feel much better. (after sleeping in and missing lecture, haha)
And I know how to answer the question I posed myself.
I am more afraid of being taken for granted. Because if I'm more afraid of loneliness, I'd just hook up with whoever.
I'd rather bide my time and wait for Princess Captivating.
Why settle for someone when I can settle for someone who truly appreciates me?
lone wolf syndrome.
1:44 AM
Please tell me the world isn't like that.
Please let me know karma exists.
Standing on the edge now.
Maybe six feet... ain't so far down.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
11:01 PM
And I know...
I may end up failing too.
But I know,
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Must study.
Must get CAP 4.5 at least.
Must fucking buy my textbooks tomorrow :/
lone wolf syndrome.
6:16 PM
Today I posed myself a question:
Are you more afraid of being taken for granted or being alone?
And I... couldn't answer.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:24 AM
I switched to Gatsby Moving Rubber. Quite nice but very very dry. Feels like soft, quick drying clay rather than wax :/
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So despite knowing that there are people who feel the same way, it doesn't help to ease the uneasy feeling.
I finally know how to describe it now. That feeling of meaninglessness physically feels... queasy. Not wrong, but not right. Like something's off, uncomfortably but bearably there. It feels like you have something you wanted to do but can't remember what it was. It feels like you have something to say, but no one in particular to say it too. It feels like the staying awake at night, wondering about the end to that story you were never able to finish.
Most importantly, it feels incomplete.
You can be happy, yes. But you still can be incompletely happy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
6:10 PM
Wow.
I survived Wednesday.
It all happened so fast, I dunno how to describe it.
I can barely remember what the heck happened in the past 6 hours.
I don't know how I'm going to do this when tutorials start.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:38 AM
How to break out of your comfort zone when the world is your comfort zone? :/
lone wolf syndrome.
12:30 AM
Tomorrow will be Engine, Science, Arts.
When tutorials start, it's gonna be worse.
Arts, Engine, Science, Arts :(
And I thought LT7A was in FASS D:
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
6:37 PM
http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/
I like.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 11, 2010
9:06 PM
Just moved back into my room. Whew, it's the new pimped out PGP 8/3/A!
How I wished I could say now with wireless but the old router I brought in apparently doesn't want to work :(
Got my breakfast for tomorrow, some fruit juice for the week. Should need to buy some soyjoy or something to last me my 6 hours on wed.
Back to the daily grind again :)
lone wolf syndrome.
12:34 AM
Aw. Back to school again.
No school tomorrow, but I'll be going in the afternoon or at night cos I've got a 8am lecture on Tuesday.
Then after 12 it's slack all the way and mentally prepare myself for hell on wed :/
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 04, 2010
1:50 AM
That feeling's back again.
Guess who's back? Back again. Shady's back, tell a friend.
Or more accurately, I should say it never left.
Just that I buried myself in my own world during the holidays. I had something to do every waking moment. Something meaningful or fun; would keep me occupied.
So now as I reapproach the real world and term time; the feeling's back to haunt me.
It's a dark, depressing feeling I can't completely describe properly.
It's empty, but not emptiness. It's sad and lonely, but not loneliness. If I were to name it, I'd call it the feeling of meaninglessness.
Now everyone report to the dance floor, to the dance floor. Now everyone report to the dance floor, alright stop. Pyjama time.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:41 AM
Sometimes there is no good ending.
Life isn't a video game :)
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
12:59 PM
Had to rush to the airport yesterday to deliver my mum something.
Blah.
It sucks that I have my license now and am still not allowed to drive my parents' cars.
I understand the insurance complications and all, but it's. just. frustrating.
Smpga, bnat14m :(
lone wolf syndrome.
