Oh btw, I really hate people who don't think before they open their fucking mouths. Especially those people who ask questions and raise their views in tutorial for the sake of "participation". I seriously think participation should be graded not only in terms of quantity but quality. If you have nothing meaningful to contribute, sit down and shut the fuck up.
Pork barrel politics a sign of less democracy indeed. Find me a politician who doesn't want to win votes and I'll show the dumbest fuckface in the world.
Plus the amount of retards going on about affairs in the IVLE forums is scary. Yes, forum participation should be graded in terms of quality as well. I think the typical Singaporean "What I know is truth and I should not consider what I do not know" attitude should change if we want to survive. Ignorance and apathy is a good way to fail anywhere. Every time I read one of those retarded posts, my IQ drops a little.
I don't care if you're slow, I don't care if you're stupid, but you're IN FUCKING NUS FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Don't tell me you are not smart. You're most likely just an ignorant, apathetic bigot.
Fucking retards.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:32 AM
Uhg. Big big big headache.
Something tells me I haven't properly made up for the lack of sleep yet.
What a bunch of projects to finish, plus midterms.
Absolutely fucked up :/
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, February 26, 2010
9:16 PM
Elitist people make me puke.
I've decided that I should care. Because if not caring is what makes you strong, caring is what makes me strong. By making other people's problems my problems, I give myself reason to go on.
Don't ever think for one second you're better. To have SEH, you don't need to be ZUAI.
I never saw why I should show off my family's wealth. Yes, family. Not mine. If you think you're damn fucking rich and elitist, piss off. You're just a spoilt brat, nothing more, nothing less.
Get out of my caring, unelitist face.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:42 AM
I guess the one thing I really miss is having someone who knows the real me well.
Someone I can actually talk to without having to hide anything.
Someone who knows why I do what I do and respects my reasons for it.
Someone who can see me through the clothes and gelled hair.
Someone who can see when I'm falling, and catch me before I hit the ground.
Then again, I don't open up easily. In fact, nowadays I almost don't open up at all.
I haven't found someone worth entrusting a part of me with, let alone my whole.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
2:21 AM
Wow. Deleted entire 4 lines and started from scratch and I have half a page in 15 mins. Not bad.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:02 AM
I've got it all figured out :)
Been on the right track all along.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
11:51 PM
SOCI ASSIGNMENT NOT DONE YET
HAND UP FRIDAY 5PM :(
lone wolf syndrome.
10:44 AM
If you can't accept me at my worst, you certainly don't deserve me at my best.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:42 AM
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever end up like Jay Chou's character.
It's the most fucked up feeling in the world when you do something because you want someone to be happy, but you don't feel the least bit happy about it.
It's a feeling I know all too well.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
9:46 PM
Social escorts dumbfound me.
Girls who think that if they sell their bodies at a high price, they are not prostitutes.
Sure, you can claim not every social escort is inclined to have sex with clients, but the idea of being a social escort already implicates the possibility of such an act.
As long as you cheapen yourself by offering your body for sale, you cheapen yourself. You become incomparable to people who don't. Valueless even.
I'm not saying that social escorts may not have a good reason for their line of work. Maybe they have a family to feed. Studies to finish, whatever.
But by deluding themselves into thinking they are prostitutes, they feel better. But I know, deep down somewhere, they know the truth. There's not much difference between a 50 dollar whore and a 5000 dollar whore.
Still a whore.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:07 PM
Omg. I have paunch again :/
Things are looking up for me lately, seems like my luck is on a roll.
I found a good article for my soci paper, of all places, during my Humour module.
I actually managed to get back into a study pattern.
Among other things.
Getting a car sometime late next month and I must say I'm quite excited about it. Been wondering how advantageous will driving be compared to staying here. My PS3 longs for me at home and I long for her too :/ And the temptation to sleep in my infinitely more comfortable bed at home, eat home cooked meals, play games on the desktop instead of my laptop, blah blah blah. Although, somehow I think that would distract me more from studying.
Maybe it's good that I have to stay here till the end of sem.
So I blinked my eye and saw the light and boy oh boy, it's amazing, alright.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, February 22, 2010
10:48 PM
The problem is you think poetry is about words. But the greatest poets I ever met, never wrote a single word.
I don't know [why I got engaged]. I was a virgin. He was 12 years older than me. I thought he knew better. My parents weren't happy. They're really religious. They believe God wouldn't allow the Bible to be written if it wasn't what they are supposed to believe. I'm completely different.
Round and round and round it goes, where it stops, nobody knows.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:24 PM
F.
I don't know if you still read this. But I've got something that I'd like to share. No, I'm not making it your fault or blaming you, relationships are unpredictable and people get hurt. It's part and parcel of life. This post isn't written in spite, nor sarcasm. I really mean what I say.
You picked up the pieces of me when I was broken once, and put them back together. You were the scotchtape to my broken vase. You gave in to me. You made me happy. You really made me feel brand new, as though all those cracks were invisible.
But then, you broke me again; into finer pieces, each one a fragment of the original. And I moved on broken, looking for someone to put me back together again. I still haven't found someone who can.
I guess although the post might seem sad, I want to thank you as well. When you loved me, you really did. You held me together so strongly, I could take any fall, any hit as long as you were there. When you left, it hurt. It hurt like mad. But I don't blame you. Afterall, you were the tape in the relationship, I was merely the broken vase.
I'd like to thank you too; for breaking me more. Because the more broken something is, the harder it is to break again. Unless you put it back together. And I know now that, the next thing to hold me together, probably won't be tape. It'd have to be superglue.
Permanent.
Thank you.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:37 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
11:16 AM
My my, at it again Put your finger in the handgun I fall down and I try to get up But you smack me like a pinball
Soul...where did it go?
C-C-C climb to the top of the mountain but your still alone K-K-K kickin' down your front door But you're never home
That's all lies (I wanna see, yes I wanna see) That's all lies (but everybody close the door on me) That's all lies (I think I'll download a brand new head) That's all lies (I'm already dead) And I think I've seen the light, Yeah I, I'm gonna be here a long time
My my, at it again But you said you don't need it My my, pie in the sky Ain't ever gonna hit me
Soul...where did it go?
C-C-C climb to the top of the mountain break ya backbone K-K-K kickin' at your front door But you're never home
That's all lies (I wanna see, yes I wanna see) That's all lies (but everybody close the door on me) That's all lies (I think I'll download a brand new head) That's all lies (I'm already dead) And I think I've seen the light, Yeah I think I see the light, I'll be here for a long time, Yeah
Sometimes, people live in such different worlds.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:45 AM
Cos this is me; who I want to be.
Myself; truly.
Keep fighting against it, but eventually;
It comes back to this; back to me.
I think that
Change; ain't necessary.
For someone like me.
No it ain't;
Necessary, when this is who I be.
No matter what; just can't change it.
So why fight it? So why try...?
Why; does it have to be.
Like this; me?
Why does it need to be so sad;
And stupid. So slow you are, Cupid.
Taking an eternity.
To reach out to me.
To find that person I be.
To find someone like me.
I imagined it with a disjointed jazzy beat. The lyrics could probably use some work and more verses, but that's what I came up with on the spot. It's like Desire, Morality and Intelligence are at odds. Desire says "I want this." Intelligence says "I know how I can get it for you." Morality is telling me "Stop. This isn't what you really want." And you know what's the worst part?
They're all right.
So the only logical solution is to hesitate till one makes a better winning argument. There have been times that Morality or Intelligence have almost lost out but something new comes up and keeps them up there with Desire. Intelligence does a good job of deluding me. It helps me pretend everything's alright. But there are times when it fails and I almost give in to Desire. I'm pretty sure I don't need to explain how Morality can fail; everyone's probably had those type of lapses in their life.
Ah well. I hope what Nietzsche said was true.
What doesn't kill me just makes me stronger.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
6:30 PM
Sigmund Freud described aspects of the human psyche as Id, Ego and Superego. I'd say he was quite accurate in trying to define and lump the various duties of the different forces in the human mind together.
I'd like to think that for different personalities, there are different strengths to each of these aspects that account for these variations. However, I find it strange that a person with equally strong Id, Ego and Superego would probably be crazy, as all 3 aspects will be struggling for supremacy and wanting to carry out their own decisions. Either crazy or really, really indecisive.
Hence, I'd like to propose that the human psyche be deconstructed as such: Morality, Desire and Intelligence.
Morality being the force that binds and restricts but at the same time gratifies a person for accomplishing things within one's person moral boundaries. That being said, the Morality would probably be less malleable than Desire, but more so than Intelligence.
Desire being the primal urges, needs and wants that a person has to satisfy. There is no restriction or obligation in Desire, merely gratification. It is the aspect of the human mind constantly in flux and changes as the physical, emotional and psychological state of the person changes.
Last but not least, Intelligence. The "conscience" of a human being, able to make rational and irrational decisions that help us to survive. What do I mean by irrational decisions? Concepts like hope and faith that the mind proposes despite the chances being slim, help us stay focussed on succeeding in the task at hand and thus surviving. This aspect of the human mind is the most fixed and hard to change. Its roots are biological but can be shaped through education and personal experience.
Why am I talking about Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic that modern psychologists have long disassociated themselves from and put my own spin on it? I don't know.
This post was supposed to be another depressing post about why my life is so fucked up but I decided, fuck it, let's do something else for a change and I just started typing.
And now I've run out of things to say, I guess it's back to wasting time again.
Ciao.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
11:04 PM
你想要的 我卻不能夠給你我全部
Because I lost part of it sometime ago.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:01 PM
Get away from me. I hate you.
You creep up to me when I'm thinking.
When I'm lying in bed, unable to sleep.
You may be incorporeal at times, but all the more real when I'm alone.
You make me think that I should just give in and give up.
I really dislike you alot, Mr. Lonely.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:53 AM
Some things don't change.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, February 19, 2010
12:33 AM
Haha, PS3 = books and notes can buang already.
Only done a little weeny bit of study so far :S
Die cock stand.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
8:30 PM
Craziest CNY week ever.
Study?
Where got time?
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
2:39 AM
Talk is cheap, talk is cheap, talk is cheap.
And all I hear is talk.
Just shut up and play.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
1:18 AM
Don't know, don't care, don't bother.
That's the way it should've been from the start.
Evolution of the nice guy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, February 12, 2010
12:21 AM
There's a negative relationship somewhere with this variable I haven't figured out yet how to name and the no. of posts I make per period of time.
Basically, if I make more posts, it means I have something to talk about that I don't know who to tell. So I talk to you.
I feel like I can't talk to people no more. I can't talk to "friends" that don't really know who I am, don't really care what happens to me. I'm getting more and more cynical everyday. I feel like this journey is a race to somewhere, something and I don't know/don't care and am in last place currently.
Everyone seems to be living their own lives, caught up in their own shit. But you, you've got no life. You're just this little collection of bits and bytes somewhere in the world wide web. You don't judge me, you don't console me, you don't criticize me. And you're always here to listen to whatever nonsense I have to say. Even the man in the mirror tells me to shut the fuck up and suck it up sometimes. But you don't. You never.
I guess it's a pretty one sided relationship except for that fact that I change your skin and spruce you up every now and then. But you are the closest thing to the real me. Not a person, not a family member, not a friend. A fucking wall of text in the Internet.
Maybe it's better that you're my confidante, as compared to a fucking human being. I never have to worry about you letting me down, you taking me for granted or basically taking a shit on my feelings and beliefs. You're like the imaginary friend I've never had.
Sometimes, I think that Princess is never coming. Afterall, she's a lie I created to give myself a goal, to move on and look towards the future. I think that maybe somehow, I don't deserve so much. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy, maybe I've had enough love from my parents and it's in God's elaborate plan that I've been allocated my share (yes I know those are signs of depression, but seriously? I CBF). Maybe there's some reason to all this. Maybe if I can rationalize this all out, I won't take it too hard.
I realise I'm ranting on and on and I've probably lost sight of why I posted this in the first place, but I don't care. You're supposed to be here for me to take for granted, for me to use and abandon when I don't need you anymore; for me to treat like how I feel everybody treats me sometimes. For me to take out my frustrations, vent my anger, empty my sorrows because nobody really gives a fuck.
It's not low self esteem. I haven't given up on myself; I've given up on everyone else.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:08 AM
You know, you're just like me.
I wish I could know you better.
Perhaps we could even be best friends.
But then again, because you're just like me, we'd probably stay far apart.
Because you're just like me, you'd probably not let anyone in.
Because you're unsure, you're afraid, you're insecure, and not what everyone makes you out to be.
You keep your problems to yourself, you want solace but you don't want to seek it. You want warmth but you shy away from it. You want happiness but you think that sometimes, somehow, maybe you just don't deserve it.
I know you inside out.
Too bad you aren't even real, Cloud.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
7:59 PM
I'm not going to say I'm a very noble person, nor am I a very selfless person.
At least I don't try to act like someone I'm not. I don't need you to know about every small fucking detail of my life. I don't need to tell the world, this and that.
I do things mostly because a) I want to b) I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't. I don't do something and hope for some fucking prize or medal or reward.
I can be a complete asshole at times. But that's highly likely because you offended me in some way or went very strongly against one of my beliefs. And even if it isn't due to that, I think you probably deserved it anyway.
Don't be pretentious. Don't do things for the sake of doing them. Don't fucking ask questions for the sake of attracting attention. Don't try and be someone you're not. Don't.
I'm not asking you to be like me.
I'm just asking you to be your fucking self.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:00 PM
Cos ya gotta have sway, kid.
Ya gotta have swagger.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
9:16 PM
I think I've got it.
The problem with me is that I like to make other people's problems my problem.
So what if humanity is FUBAR?
So what if people are ungrateful, selfish, arrogant, ignorant brats?
So what if I know about it?
I just have to be apathetic. I just have to be strong.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:01 PM
Humanity = depressing, selfish, arrogant, conceited, self-centered, uncaring, stubborn, ignorant, ungrateful, spiteful, and a whole lot more other things.
The ugly side of humanity is seriously repulsive.
Sometimes, I wonder if deep down, that's just our nature.
I don't want to be human.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:11 AM
New aim.
Learn how to Melbourne Shuffle.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, February 08, 2010
10:26 PM
Should I join a CCA? :/
Kendo, Karate? Looks pretty interesting.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
11:35 PM
Every year for as long as I can remember I've always made the same wish during my birthdays because I believed what I wished for hadn't come true yet.
Every year, I'd ask for something very simple: I want to be happy.
This year, I'm 22. I've realised something. Happiness doesn't come to you.
Happiness is something that has to be found. You don't have to look for it, no. You just have to find it; you just have to notice it's there. We are happy, but we become so blinded by greed that we don't notice what we already have in front of us. We take things for granted. We ask, why do others have this but I don't. Slowly, all this accumulates and buries our happiness.
I am happy. I have grown more content with what I have. I have come to discover that I am very lucky indeed. But at the same time, I can't be happy. Not because I take things for granted; or want to have something others have. I am unhappy when the people around me are unhappy. It doesn't feel right celebrating when someone is down in the dumps. It kills the mood.
So this year, I'm making a new birthday wish.
I hope you all find what I found. I hope you realise how lucky each and everyone of you is, just to be alive; to be able to see, to be able to hear.
I hope you realise what you've been looking for has always been there all along.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:11 AM
I'm with them because, despite everything, I still love them. And while you might walk in and find me punching a wall, it's only because I want to kiss their lips.
I just tell myself the same lie over and over again and maybe one day, it'll come true.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
10:18 PM
How do you manage to stay sane, to stop thinking?
There are at least a million of you out there like me, can you tell me how?
Do you immerse yourself in some fairy tale and believe that one day someone will come sweep you off your feet; charm you; touch your heart?
I created a lie for myself that there's someone out there, and I just have to keep waiting for that person to turn up. But in reality, I know that there's a possibility no one gives a fuck.
How the fuck do all of you manage to go by day-by-day? Numb yourself to the pain? Occupy your mind with something else? I really don't know anymore. It's coming to the point where I'm overflowing.
I can't get used to this. Even wolves move in packs. Even commandos work in bridges. Even secret agents have handlers.
I don't see the logic in it sometimes. This is a plea; a silent scream.
Please. Save me.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:53 PM
Looks like it'll be a quiet 22nd for me.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:39 PM
The boy moved on his toes.
Hip hop hip hop, stay one step above the rest.
He could dance through crowds of people walking.
Hip hop hip hop, stay one step above the rest.
He could preempt the way they moved.
Think fast think quick, stay one step above the rest.
He was as fast with his mind as he was on his feet.
Think fast think quick, stay one step above the rest.
He could see solutions to problems in ways many couldn't.
Hip hop hip hop, stay one step above the rest.
He was always better and faster than others.
Hip hop hip hop, stay one step above the rest.
And he was always alone.
Dip dop dip dop, I stayed one step above the rest.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:07 AM
Most of my posts have no titles. Sometimes I can think of an appropriate title, but I forget to use it.
Sometimes, I think they are appropriate without titles.
Sometimes, I CBF.
If my life was a blog post, I wonder what title would it be?
lone wolf syndrome.
Crash
12:56 AM
I want to float about
In a dreamlike state too.
Make everything seem
Irrelevant. Make everything seem
Dead. Live in that moment, and
Breathe in the happiness, and
Take in the air; but
I know if I do that; I'll
Crash.
Like a high you get, and
When it's gone; it's gone.
Just like that.
It's called a high, because
You crash rather hard, and
I'd rather stay
Here on the ground, where
I am now. Then
Try to fly in my dreams, and
Crash.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
11:26 PM
Really different people.
Sometimes, I want to tell you stop trying.
But I remember what that felt like when I was the one trying to chase after those feelings.
So I can't. I won't lead you on, but I want you to know that I don't think it's possible between us again.
I can let you try forever, but it doesn't mean I will open up again.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:03 AM
Pretty girls, boring guys and bad boys.
Why is the story always the same?
Kinda of sick of hearing about it, kind of sick of reading about it and completely sick of being in it.
Whose fault is it?
I'd say everyone's a fool here.
Girls: If you play with fire, don't cry when you get burnt.
Nice guys: If you know she's the type who gets burnt, don't follow her into the fire.
Bad boys: If you think you can't find anyone real, why don't you look at how fake you are in the first place?
I just cannot comprehend when people come to me sighing and lamenting about this and that. It makes me want to slap them and tell them: "Wake up. You deserve this. Now shut the fuck up and move on."
