Sunday, August 29, 2010
6:12 PM
I wanted to start this post with how it felt to be studying theories that describe people are inherently rational creatures who did things at the lowest cost, highest benefit. Then I realised I couldn't find the words to describe it. Disappointing? Dejecting? Saddening?
No, it was more of... disgusted, yet sympathetic. A feeling that mixes many emotions together, with a healthy dose of denial.
People as profit maximising institutions who base their actions on how they would most benefit from a given situation is not a pleasant thought. But it is the basis of such an assumption that forms the core theories of many social sciences and humanities; economics, social exchange theory (in both sociological and psychological aspects), explanation of migration in geography, plentiful examples in history, ect.
Sad, disgusting, depressing, horrifying and reviling. Yet at the same time, understandable, forgiveable, rational and admirable.
But I have to say, sir. But the greatest examples of human that I know, are respected precisely for not being rational beings.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, August 27, 2010
10:17 PM
I should come up with a word for
the feeling of having something to say, but no one in particular to say it to.
I shall call it mimorsity.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
8:54 PM
Eventually they say. Eventually.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
4:17 AM
What an irony.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
5:51 PM
I wish you would stop bothering me.
You, the ever persistent reminder.
The knock that comes when the day is done.
The ache that one feels in his feet after a run.
The dawning realisation; that I am alone.
That in this sea of people; I am a unique drop of water.
The sea which comprises me; yet which I am never a part of.
A whore and a bitch; you keep me company most nights, yet never really satisfy me.
You are the definition of my existence, yet the bane of my body.
The one that stifles my heart; dulls my soul.
You reach out to me and I can't turn away.
You are much like what I desire; so different, yet the same.
You are perhaps; the poetic justice delivered upon the one who dares not trust so readily.
To the calculative and cautious; those hurt twice and more.
For to be safe is to not try. To not try is to fail entirely.
And I have decided to fail entirely to you, than to be gripped by the fear of the unreciprocal.
Looks like I will have to live with you
a long long while.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:14 PM
I was wrong.
There's really no difference staying in school and staying at home.
I shall spend more time in the library/deck.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
8:35 PM
I've suddenly lost interest in the things that were once fun to me.
No, I'm not depressed.
It's just not as fun anymore.
Everything seems... boring.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
7:18 PM
My msn display name is a constant reminder to myself, that no matter how many friends I have, no matter how many people I know, somehow, I just have the tendency to be a loner.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:43 PM
Sometimes, I feel really burnt out.
After the fireworks and alcohol and social gatherings, you just sit down and you're like
Hm. So after all that, how come I still have no one to talk to when I don't feel like doing anything cos I only got 4 hours of sleep and don't want to sleep now cos I'll be unable to sleep tonight?
It's an odd, odd feeling; a stark contrast between what just happened last night and now.
Maybe it's because I just don't like getting too close to people in general.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
12:17 AM
Douchebags always get the hot girls. Explains alot.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
10:00 PM
Emotional catharsis.
Is this what this space is about?
I've been contemplating the existence of this blog for some time now.
If the reason I blog is so that I can dump all my negative emotions conveniently into a place where no one else will ever bother looking, I think I should stop blogging.
It's not healthy.
But it's perfect for a person like me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
10:21 PM
Sometimes, I try to remember the reason why I started this blog.
It was entertainment to me, entertainment to someone else and more importantly because there was someone who cared about what happened in my life.
Now it's just become a place for me to bitch and yell and whine when I'm upset, pissed off, angsty and otherwise not in a good mood.
I think this has become a very self-centred place. This has become about me and not about others, not about the world around me.
It's all just me, me, me and me.
When I tear this place down one day, I will lose all that. I will lose all the feelings of self importance, memories of what I've been through. For that reason, this place can't be torn down till I'm sure I can finally accept that I'm not the only one in this world who actually gives a fuck about myself.
Ironic? Possibly. Logical? Definitely.
lone wolf syndrome.
