Life is just the novel you write on your coffee break. And your novel is just a collection of lies you'd like to remember. And all that you remember, is the distance from here, to then.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
10:29 PM
When I make posts like that sometimes, I remember why I write this blog.
It's not only a diary to me.
It's kinda like self therapy, when you talk to a shrink, except that shrink is yourself I guess.
You don't write for anybody. You write for yourself, please remember that.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:09 PM
In combat, you can lose every battle and still win the war.
In a soccer game, you can be completely outclassed and still win the match.
In boxing, you can be at a 30 point disadvantage and still win with a knockout.
Patience, patience, patience.
In love, can you really just be who you are and meet "the right one" eventually?
To me, it's become a source of comfort, an excuse to give yourself, a rain check for the other girl you've not met yet; to the point where you start to doubt whether you can really wait on love.
How do you know you've met the one when you don't know who that person is? How do you know you've already passed up on that opportunity? Now I'm not saying that the concept of "the right one" has to be tied to an individual like, let's say, a Jane Doe of sorts. It could be the person who best suits you, who loves you the most, ect ect. It doesn't need to be a fixed concept.
But there comes a point when you start to wonder if the whole thing is just a sham or if you've already met so many potential "right ones" and just basically fucked it all up. Sure, it's easy to say "He/she wasn't the one for you" to someone when they're rejected/going through a breakup/all that other emotional bullshit, but we don't weigh our words; it comes out as a consolation more than it does as advice. It ingrains the notion of there being such a thing a person you will meet somewhere, sometime, SOMEHOW in your life who is the perfect partner for you. Based on my 2 spinster aunts, I can say it's very plausible that is idea is just complete utter BS.
False conciousness. Maybe the whole fucking idea of love is just a huge fabricated ploy to keep us content. Why not? The idea of true seems as good a tool for sedation as does religion.
Huh. And yet despite knowing the possibility of this, people stupidly hold onto to this belief of love. Stupid people like me.
Why?
I've gone to the point where I could give up everything and spend a couple of years behind bars for someone I was in love with, and I know that feeling was real. I've been at the stage where someone wants to be happy and no matter how much that differs from what you want for your personal happiness, you will willingly oblige, and I know that fucked up conflicting feeling was real. I know when someone does something they would never want to if not for you, just to make you happy and the happiness that comes from knowing that, is real. I know love exists because I've not only been on the giving end of it, I've also been on the receiving end of it.
So I guess my attachment to the concept of "the right one" is merely an extension of my belief in true love. I guess there are some other really stupid people like me out there, who could possibly be attractive, mentally stable, caring and attracted to me (if they possibly knew me) afterall.
I guess for that, I can wait.
And wait I shall.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:28 AM
Epic goal scored today.
That was probably the highlight of our little soccer session.
The simple cut can be the most effective trick sometimes.
