Because you know you'll not be able to fall asleep
Thinking about something?
I dunno what's it called
But I feel it every night.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:40 PM
实在像那首歌.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:32 AM
I've got my defenses when it comes to your intentions to me.
I'm not the one who broke you, I'm not the one you should fear.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
4:09 PM
I really hope nice guys do end up first sometimes.
Till then I'll take solace in fairy tales.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:24 PM
Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
The more you know about the world and the way it works, the more depressed you feel.
Education level is positively correlated to income.
I'm pretty damn sure it's negatively correlated to happiness though.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:03 PM
The meaningless feeling is back.
Not felt this way in quite a long time.
Maybe it's the weather.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:07 AM
FML.
Really really FML.
Not my problem also become my problem, knn la.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:27 AM
I'm not selfless.
I'm selfish and glad that I'm human to some degree sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
12:21 PM
Simplicity without essentialization.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 28, 2011
12:18 AM
I dunno why I feel so maligned.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
9:47 PM
Tasteful cynicism.
Me and my little criticisms.
lone wolf syndrome.
7:27 PM
The words that are not coming out of my mouth.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:06 AM
They lie in the gaps of the heart.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
9:35 PM
These different sides of me.
lone wolf syndrome.
4:55 PM
And I'm sorry if I haven't written to you in a while. It's just that life gets in the way of living. It's just that my fingers were stuck together. It's just that all the paper in the world caught fire.
You'll forgive me if I haven't written in a while. It's just that all the envelopes made love to dragonflies and now, we cannot bring them down. It's just that time stopped ticking. It's just that all the ink ran clear.
My apologies if I haven't written in a while. It's just that words ran out of letters (these are the last in the bag). It's just that language isn't perfect. It's just, me.
I wonder if you'll ever be able to see beyond those preconceived notions.
Even if you don't or can't, I'll still do what I do.
Because _________.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 24, 2011
8:10 PM
The ability to record down how you feel and what goes on in your head without letting anyone else know is actually very therapeutic, cathartic and introspective.
I think that was the reason I created this blog in the first place.
And I think it should stay that way.
Back to being private again.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
9:20 PM
I am very stubborn. Fuck me.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:31 PM
Suddenly, so many other things seem more important.
Why?
lone wolf syndrome.
7:41 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
6:02 PM
I cannot tell if it's a sign or warning from God sometimes.
I know what I'd like to believe.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:51 PM
The hardest part.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:57 PM
Like a durian.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:38 PM
Ante up.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
11:53 PM
WOMEN.
Really source of all problems sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:23 PM
There are still some things in life I have problems unravelling.
I think what my parents tell me is very true.
Don't get too serious about relationships.
They didn't add the explanation though.
I think it would be somewhere along the lines of: Because a lot of people don't really know what they are looking for yet.
The irony lies in the fact that people expect their partners to be sincere in a relationship.
So how do you draw that balance between sincerity and unseriousness?
Are you even sincere about it if you're not serious about it?
How?
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
10:48 PM
I was looking through some stuff in my computer when I came across this note I wrote a long time back.
And I mean really long time back. I think I wrote it before I entered uni.
DISCLAIMER: This note was written for the nice guys out there who've been given those retarded excuses by your girlfriends/ex on why they broke up/cheated on you with bad boys. No, I am not claiming to fall into the category of nice guy nor bad boy. You can label me whatever the fuck you want and I'll still just be the me that I am.
FIRSTLY, the most important thing you have to understand what constitutes a "bad boy" and "nice guy" in many cases.
Common definitions/synonyms for bad boys: Jerk, Asshole, Player, Heartbreaker, Abusive boyfriend, Selfish SOB, blah blah blah.
Common definitions/synonyms for nice guys: Wuss, Friendly, "Just friends", momma's boy, church boy, ect.
Ok, for the count, I have met many delinquents who are anything but players, boyfriends who can be jerks and assholes because they have a LACK of confidence and on the other hand, many momma's boys/church boys who sleep around and change girlfriends more often then they change their condoms.
So what REALLY makes a bad boy bad and nice guy nice?
It's simple. There are a couple of factors:
1) Deviance: Not uniqueness, because everyone is unique in one way or another. Deviance is the likelyhood that his behaviour in a certain social situation or choices, he will tend to do things much differently from others. If you want it plain and simple, girls actually like psychos.
2) The Chase: It's seldom ever confidence that is displayed from bad boys. "False confidence" as I like to term it. Real confidence is derived from the belief that you are going to succeed. When you see players doing their thing in clubs or bars, they basically hit on whatever hot female is there, and settle in with the one who reciprocates their interest the most. Or when girls are chasing bad boys, ever realise how the guy never tells her how much he wants her or loves her (or lies in the most likely case) until he's 100% sure (i.e. bedded her already or she confesses first)? This isn't confidence. Confidence is walking up to a girl in a bar after she takes notice of you and carrying on a conversation KNOWING that she will be willing to carry on a conversation with you. It is not derived from the fact that you've already weeded out the one hot girl who has shown the most interest in you for the night. Confidence is being able to tell a girl you love her and you'll cherish her and knowing that you mean it from the bottom of your heart and she knows you do and not waiting till you've bedded her or she's confessed.
Basically, the other one thing that females find interesting about bad boys is the fact that they have to chase them. In a way, it's related to deviance as well, but deviance on the female's part. It makes things "interesting and new" but that doesn't mean it's good.
SECONDLY, you have to recognise is that what 99% of websites, dating "professionals", self-proclaimed "players" and the women who fall for bad boys themselves tell you is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.
Common misconceptions about the "Why Girls Like Bad Boys"; alternatively titled "Nice Guys are such Wimps" theory:
1) Bad boys are more confident and straightforward.
This is the most utter bullshit I've ever heard in my life. As I've explained above regarding "false confidence", bad boys basically present themselves as confident but could pretty much be anything but. In fact, you may even come across some people who've done it so many times that they've deluded themselves into thinking that they can pick up any girl they set their sights on or they've become so used to the routine that they hardly feel disappointed being rejected once and just choose then next best likely "prey". Since confidence is the belief that you will succeed, failing will undoubtably result in disappointment. The higher your confidence, the more likely the more utter and crushing your defeat will be.
With regards to bad boys being more straightforward, if you think about it, the whole "play-hard-to-get-and-get-the-girl-to-chase-me" thing becomes contradictory. A real straight forward bad boy would go straight up to a girl in the bar and tell her "Hi, you look relly hot and I'd love to have sex with you, no strings attached, interested?". So take their straightforward bullshit and shove it up her ass.
2) Nice guys are such wusses.
This is true SOMETIMES, but more often than not, no. It's a lie most girls delude themselves into thinking. Many girls definition of wuss is basically "guy who buys me stuff i.e. meals, gifts, ect." Every man has a certain amount of pride. The fact that he can throw away that pride to provide for you is fact that he is not a wuss. Why do you think he buys you meals at expensive restaurants? Because he wants you to enjoy good food. Why do you think he gets you gifts? To bribe you into loving him? Don't be a retarded asshat. He does it because he wants to make you happy. If you think it doesn't hurt him to shell out hard earned/saved money to buy these things for you, think again. He has the conviction to do it because he believes you are worth it.
Yeah, I was really angsty back then. And I never really got around to finishing the note either.
It was sort of an emotional catharsis for me.
I can't remember why I didn't post it up on my blog. Hm.
Life.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:46 PM
This video and the song lyrics made me think about what I always say about how people are perceived.
That people are always judged by that one characteristic that defines them the most from everyone else.
Somehow based on the title of the song, I knew that it was a mask she was wearing from the start. And I knew she was probably good looking under the mask too.
You can choose to be characterised by the label that fits you the most, or break out of that definition.
People who are rich will only know how people really view them when they are poor.
People who are good looking will only know how people really view them when they are ugly.
Of course some people have had the benefit of having nothing before having something rather than having something before having nothing.
Unfortunately, most forget what it's like to have nothing.
You can choose to remain what you are and never know the truth, or you can choose to try and be what you're not for 1 day and see how people treat you.
Just like the girl.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:38 PM
The only way I know how.
Straightforward and ignore everything else.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:54 PM
I realised I don't gamble with money.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:14 AM
How come the same didn't apply to me?
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
8:19 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
7:05 PM
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'mmmmm not really unhappy per se.
I'm not happy happy, but it's like you know. Oh well, life goes on. Whatever happens, happens.
Learning to deal with the things I cannot control :)
lone wolf syndrome.
5:35 PM
This weird, all-too-familiar, one sided commitment.
Story of your life, Bryan. Story of your life.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 17, 2011
11:31 PM
Sad but true.
Not everyone knows what love is.
I really hate it when people misuse the word.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:31 PM
I guess I've been wishing for a Fran Kubelik.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:19 PM
Fuck. So much for luck.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
5:27 PM
My luck has been quite good recently.
Maybe what Gim Siong said is true; God is fair. If he takes away something, he'll give you back something.
I wonder if this good luck will continue for CORS as well.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:40 AM
I really wonder if those are directed at me at times
There's a lot I want to say
But I can't
Not with tact or without
You need to understand
That I write for myself
To serve as a reminder for me
People keep photos
I keep a blog
If you really want to know
There has never been any hate
Or spite
Or ill will
Nothing here is directed at you
Except maybe this
Let go of your idea of me and you maybe, just maybe, you'll see.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:29 AM
Even I don't understand myself sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
6:46 PM
People become defensive after being hurt.
The more they are hurt, the more defensive they get.
They build walls around themselves until those walls become a castle.
Something's always bothered me.
The walls don't discriminate.
They keep everyone out, the good and the bad alike.
And there's no way of telling whether the person you've let in is good or bad.
That's not the problem.
If you let the wrong person in, you just build more walls and your castle gets larger.
The biggest problem is how do you know if you've kept the right person out?
I live in a fortress.
And I'm worried that one day, the right person might come by.
Cao Ge's Bei Pan has 2 million views and a ridiculous no. of comments on youtube.
Alot of the comments go along the lines of "I had this boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she betrayed me :("
Too bad they're wrong.
Bei Pan is not about that.
Yes, perhaps he was betrayed. But Bei Pan is not about the feelings of betrayal from a relationship.
Bei Pan is about the feelings of betrayal from betraying yourself.
The ultimate sacrifice to make someone happy.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:04 AM
Wow the girl in the video looks hot.
And the guy probably fits the cute bad boy category too.
And the song is awesome.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 14, 2011
11:15 PM
Psychology, sociology and economics are all wrong.
We are not profit maximising.
We are risk minimizing to be more accurate.
We seek to obtain the greatest benefit with the smallest risk.
True profit maximising individuals would take high risk, high return options.
Humans are naturally risk adverse when it comes to betting on themselves but profit maximising when it comes to betting on others.
Shows how fucked up human nature is sometimes.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:11 PM
Merely human.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:04 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
9:41 PM
Aal izz well, aal izz well.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
9:47 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
7:56 PM
Guilt. Fear. Greed.
The dark triad of emotions.
What dictators, interrogators and abusive/cheating partners use to control the actions of others.
Happiness. Satisfaction. Pleasure.
The gratification of material/emotional gains.
What confidence artists, religion and motivational speakers use to influence the behaviour of people.
Sympathy and apathy.
The chaos factor in every scam/interrogation/relationship/religion/seminar/whatever.
The power to change and affect how anything has an impact on you and others.
These emotions are not inherently good or evil.
Emotions are merely emotions.
It is how they are used and who they are used by that determines if their usage is fair and just or inhumane.
And it is the people under the influence of these emotions that are unable to see the way that they are used.
I need to write a book one day.
It will be about power, it will be about politics, it will be about relationships but most importantly it will be about emotions and their inseparability from human nature and hence interpersonal interactions.
I have this idea, but being me, I just don't know how to put it into words sometimes.
You tried so hard to be someone That you forgot who you are. You tried to fill some emptiness ‘Til all you had spilled over Now everything’s so far away That you don’t know where you are, you are
When all that you wanted And all that you had Don’t seem so much For you to hold on to,
For you to hold on to For you to belong to.
When it’s hard to be yourself It’s not to be someone else Still everything’s so far away That you forget where you are, you are
When all that you wanted And all that you had Don’t seem so much For you to hold on to, For you to hold on to. Hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
When all that you wanted And all that you had Don’t seem so much For you to hold on to,
For you to hold on to.
For you to hold on to, For you to belong to.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:01 AM
Lol, music sometimes provides the most interesting answers.
I quote Westlife's Flying Without Wings to answer my own question on missed opportunities:
So, impossible as they may seem You've got to fight for every dream Cos who's to know which one you let go Would have made you complete
That puts my mind at ease somehow.
Sometimes we lose sight of the main picture.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:03 AM
Making peace with myself.
Everyday.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 07, 2011
7:27 PM
The problem with telling yourself that there are thing not worth your time and effort is that how do you know when something actually worth your time and effort comes by?
The problem with opportunities in general is such. An opportunities presents a gateway. You don't know where it leads, whether it's a dead end or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And people always say you must learn to give things up when you've spent enough effort. But, how do you know what is enough effort?
This problem has always bothered me. If you possess the mindset that good things are worth waiting for, how do you know it hasn't already passed you by? Is life merely a result of hindsight when foresights fails?
The uncertainty of the future is governed precisely by the promise it brings. If you knew it was only shit if you were to proceed forward, you would never take a step. Every choice must present some element of reward, or it is not even deemed a choice.
I'm not trying to reduce life to a matter of CBA, because CBA ultimately depends on knowledge of the costs and benefits.
In life, you more often than not are unaware of the costs and benefits.
Life is a game, life is a gamble.
Play to win.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
10:44 PM
Hm. I guess I'm sorta like the protagonist in Iris Zero.
I too have a sorta low exposure policy.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:30 PM
Bah, why is it ok for girls to go rolling around in comforters/blankies refusing to get out of bed but really inappropriate for guys? D:
lone wolf syndrome.
9:05 PM
There are some things that I think I shouldn't explain and are best left unsaid.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
10:43 AM
I always talk about how I sometimes feel that I may have missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Because F., you are the only girl I've met and been with who I've felt that it was my loss when you left me.
I just keep thinking to myself every once in a while: maybe it was supposed to be you.
Even nice guys fuck up once in a while.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
3:18 PM
Oh the irony.
As I said before, everything I do will carry intention.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:18 PM
I can't remember how young I was when I developed the habit of observing people.
I guess you could even call it a hobby.
I realised that you could tell things about people that you would never know after knowing them for ages just by paying careful attention sometimes.
I realised that I was able to tell these sometime accurate, sometimes inaccurate things about people and that they mostly generalised themselves to the population who share similar traits.
I was also able from observing; able to detect small changes in people, in their behaviour, routines, patterns and actions. And from experience, slowly make guesses about a person based on these changes I observed.
A little glance around the pitch usually indicates the direction of the pass.
Touching one's face, especially the nose or ears, usually indicated lying.
Eye contact represented attention and possibly attraction.
Sudden departures of habits or patterns usually indicated a different phase in life.
Some things are easier to tell, some things are not. And I guess I'm not able to tell all intentions because I look at the world quite innocently sometimes. I give everyone the label good till proven guilty rather than evil till proven good.
There are alot of things you can tell about people, just from observation.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:20 AM
Closure :)
God is fair. You lose some things, you gain others.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 03, 2011
3:46 PM
Afterall, perception is my specialty.
Seeing what others are unable to see is what got me here today.
I don't mean to boast or sound arrogant.
But I've always felt everyone was short sighted or narrow minded when it came to certain things.
I never understood why they couldn't see what I see.
I still don't.
But there are things that I can't see either.
And there are things that I will never understand.
Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:47 PM
Day 3
Was it just the wrong timing for me and the right timing for him?
我不想再想那么多了.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:31 AM
Time to do the wrong thing at the right time.
And the right thing at the wrong time.
Time to move on with life.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
9:34 PM
I'm not angry. And it's not that I don't want to talk to you.
I just feel that as long as you continue to treat me the way you have, everything I do will seem to bear intention.
As long as continue to look at me through grey-tinted glasses, the possibility of repeating what happened that day exists; and I think it's pointless.
Yes, it may be my fault for going in too fast and too strong.
But even when I stepped back and slowed down, you stayed the same.
Even when I tried to be normal, you didn't change.
You've built your wall so high, you can't see what's on the other side anymore.
