Saturday, May 28, 2011
1:19 AM
For I am truly, a Jack of all trades.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:02 AM
Wise man once say "
Rush that shit down".
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, May 27, 2011
1:08 AM
Sometimes the correct answer may be the one you were never given the option to choose in the first place.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
11:48 PM
Oh no. My carpool website idea is already being used :(
I knew I should have patented it! D:
And their MOP is eerily similar to what I had in mind.
Sigh.
Hope they fuck up and die off and then I can step in :D
lone wolf syndrome.
5:42 PM
I don't like looking down on people.
But if I ever do
If someone ever fills me up with enough contempt and apathy
If someone causes me to give up hope on them
Then I will deny them everything.
They will learn what it means to be looked down upon.
There will never be a clear sky they can ever see again.
When they look up, I'll make sure all they see is me
Looking down on them.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:16 AM
It's really easy to say
Don't be afraid
Take the chance
Forget your fear
If not now then when?
But it's never easy to be the one doing it.
There's this fuel we all have, each and every one of us.
We all run on this thing called hope.
And when it's empty, sometimes it needs to be replenished.
Or we cannot dream.
We cannot trust.
We cannot try.
We are consumed by fear and it holds us back.
We think of the what-ifs and the whatnots
And we imagine every possible fucked up situation
But can never conjure thoughts of what if we made it?
It's really easy to say
Try again.
Take a chance.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
3:36 PM
My sideburns are starting to reach the length where I cannot tame them anymore.
That means a haircut in about 2 weeks time.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:09 AM
Because there is more, much more to life than something that looks impressive on your resume.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:07 AM
Had fun today.
Looks like not getting a job and going for Arts Camp may not be that bad a decision afterall.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, May 23, 2011
11:24 PM
I'm thinking of entering a bunch of my poems into this competition after some prompting from a childhood friend.
Yeah, it's weird. Even after all this time, I still write.
His question about that made me recall this epic story I had planned. I wrote the first chapter in FB notes and it's private and unpublished. In need of some serious editting though.
Maybe I should plan and finish out that story.
Man, my creative juices are already being spread all over the place.
SSFIV, schoolwork, DMing and now this?
I don't know. Feels tiring. Feels like something that ought to qualify as work.
If it gets published then yeah, hell yeah I wouldn't mind writing. But writing for myself? This little space is enough methinks.
I don't need it to be complicated or a commitment when I write for myself. Sweet. Short. Concise. Yet embodying every little thought, every bit of emotion, every single thing I want to say in those few lines. As a reminder, or a tribute or a summary.
I don't need a story. But then again, this tale I planned out has meaning. It was the amalgamation of all the plotlines I'd seen thus far; throw in a bit of psychological thriller, fantasy, horror, and comedy.
Fuck, I think I'll just submit poems and the first chapter as a short story and worry about publishing later.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
11:02 PM
I shall go for a run tomorrow. Finally.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:08 PM
Some people treat life as a destination.
My mother told me life is a journey.
Sorry mum, life, like everything else in this world to me, is a game.
I don't know whether I'll win or lose, but I know exactly how I'm going to play it.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:29 AM
I realised how much I dislike talking about myself.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:57 AM
I don't know why am I feeling so emotional the past few days.
Coming back from Phuket was a reality check I guess.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
3:33 PM
The nowhere, the no-one and the nothing.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:42 AM
I wonder what is it that I want when I like my dreams but I don't want to go to bed.
I guess the part I dislike most about dreaming is waking up and realising it wasn't real.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, May 20, 2011
10:45 PM
You know unfortunately, when you all eventually decide to play it right, finally decide to not care too much about the unimportant things and go for someone who loves you,
It may already be too late.
Because despite that there were people like us who were not playing games, you also weren't the only one playing games.
And all of the fuckers like you turned all the good people bad.
You broke them and made them afraid of everything in this world.
You made them lose faith in others.
Everyone's now just a copy of your former selves.
Now they have standards.
Now they have expectations.
Now they will not settle for less.
Now they know that talk is cheap.
Because of you.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:53 PM
Today will be one of the days I'm writing not because I have something to get off my chest, something I need to say but don't know who to tell it to, or because I'm feeling fucked up in general.
Today will be one of those day I write because SHIT I'M BORED AS HELL.
Maaaaaaaan, I am really considering getting a short temp job or some tuition assignments just to make the holidays pass faster.
I didn't know it would be THIS boring.
When your friends are busy, and you have no girlfriend, basically all you do is pump iron, play games, watch tv, surf the net, eat and sleep. I would have included exercise but I've been so lazy I haven't gone for a run the entire holiday yet.
Sure, I've gone clubbing, watched a movie or two, hung out, but everything just seems anti-climatic compared to the 5 days of Phuket.
Still stuck in that dream, man.
Still wanna wake up to pseudo American breakfast, hang out at the beach, do really cheap shopping, watch muay thai, and bum around in general.
My house needs a fucking infinity pool or hottub. That will probably solve my longing for the phuket days.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Stuck in time
12:19 AM
Stuck in time, stuck in time
I'm just stuck in time.
While everybody's running
Their lives
Chasing all those dreams and
Stupid lies
I can't seem to get up
And move
Through this door, this gateway of truth.
It just gets a little difficult
Sometimes
Waiting for that something
Whimsical
Sometimes I just don't know how to put
My feelings into words
So here I've stood.
Stuck in time, stuck in time
I'm just stuck in time, stuck in time.
While the waves and clock wait for no man
This sea that I am in is somehow
No different
Just like this song, it's apparent
That everybody's moving
Different.
They charge through life and seize the day
But quietly out of sight
Here I stay.
Content to be in my own
Special place
The endless ever-winding road to Neverland.
Stuck in time, stuck in time.
I'm just stuck in time, stuck in time.
And while tomorrow may never come
And while you may never see me again.
And while this world crumbles down
There'll always be
That same old place
That guiding light
In my faith
Just take my hand
And we'll see it through
No matter the weather
Or the things we do
Because no matter how fast
Or how slow we go
Everyone's merely
Stuck in time, stuck in time.
Everyone's just stuck in time.
So why bother, running after them?
When all we're chasing is no different?
lone wolf syndrome.
12:02 AM
No one ever said it was going to be easy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
11:09 PM
People have their different ways of escaping from reality.
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Sex.
TV.
Whatever.
Mine is sleeping.
My dreams are so vivid and gratifying that I sometimes don't want to wake up.
Is dying like having an endless dream?
If it is, I am starting to understand why some people consider suicide as escape and not as an end.
When dreams > reality, you just want to sleep forever.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:34 PM
One flu sets you back 3 months in weight training.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:20 PM
Yeah, just because some people don't spell adventure.
It's a secret actually.
The best adventures are those that never sell themselves as one.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
8:50 PM
I have a feeling my body is trying to eject all the phlegm/mucus/whateverthefuckyoumightcall it out of whatever cavity it can find.
And my head hurts like a motherfucker.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
9:50 PM
Being sick sucks.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:11 PM
touchdownrentingcarsandbikesmassagesimoncabaretlounginginthepooolawesome
breakfastshoppingsamuraiporkburgerpingpongshowclubbinginpatongmoreawesome
breakfastgokartatvmuaythaicoldmacseggsforbreakfastbeachchairscillaxingjetski
chefcookeddinnerdrinkinginthepoolgettingwastedohnoeslastdaybreakfastatyings
returnvehiclestuktuktofactoryoutletshoppingbacktokaronformassagebacktovilla
transporttoairportisitreallyover?flightback
lone wolf syndrome.
6:10 PM
5 days of surreality.
Good bye Phuket.
I'm home again.
Hello Singapore.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
7:52 PM
I guess I can finally put this feeling into words.
I think anyone would find it familiar. Maybe.
It's this feeling of wanting to say something, yet not knowing what, to someone, and yet not knowing who. This feeling of wanting human contact and yet at the same time shying away from it. This feeling of wanting warmth, yet preferring the solitary cold.
A feeling mixed; one which of fear, apathy and disappointment makes up the stock, coupled with some sympathy for flavor, brewed together with a need to belong; and the key ingredient: a dash of hope to the entire broth.
The result? This.
I don't know what to call it. Maybe this could possibly be what cognitive dissonance feels like but I don't think I'll ever know for sure.
It's a feeling I want to discard. But I know I'm feeling this way for a reason and that I should address the root of the problem rather than try to not feel this way.
Yet, at the same time, the solution isn't as simple as one of a common cold; there's no doctor for feelings, there's no medicine for this.
lone wolf syndrome.
5:25 PM
Brazilian kick mastered.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:13 PM
The feeling never left.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:54 AM
That being said, there are times when I don't know what to write anymore.
And yet this feeling doesn't go away.
Those are the times, I know I should just distract myself.
Work out, read a book, play some video games.
Or just sleep it off.
Goodnight.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:33 AM
Writing is my escape and catharsis.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone with my original dream of being a writer.
But it's come to the point where I wonder if someone like me
No, if anyone;
Even deserves to have dreams to chase after in the first place.
Dreams exist better as this unreachable goal that you have to work towards.
They give you motivation, they cloud your judgement
They make you immune to the meniality of it all
They make you numb to life.
I don't really dare to dream anymore.
Not because people laugh at them
But precisely because they encourage them.
Because they fill me up with hope and give me all these expectations I never had in the first place.
I was just content being dreamless.
And you had to give me hopes, and you had to give me disappointment.
Save yourself the trouble.
No dreams, no hope, no motivation.
No hurt, no pain, no disappointment.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:25 AM
It's like you cast a spell on me and placed this constant reminder;
A weight that crushes the soul and breaks the heart.
I don't know how to describe the feeling but
I know for sure that with each step I take
I'm losing more and more of this thing
Called faith and slowly turning into
One of the everyone-elses.
Slowly becoming just
A mere human being;
Fallible and weak
Becoming just
Who I was to
Begin with
Becoming
Me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
10:59 PM
Still the same as ever I guess.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:11 AM
So nihilistic.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, May 02, 2011
6:47 PM
Sometimes I just don't see the point in anything anymore.
lone wolf syndrome.
