It's funny how people are willing to sacrifice the things they have for the things they don't.
Continuously, in a cycle.
It's like they changed their minds halfway.
"Ok take this. Wait, no. I want it back. Take this. Wait."
lone wolf syndrome.
Meaninglessness
1:31 AM
You must have some sort of name.
You appear so randomly.
Take me by surprise and then leave the next morning.
And I'm sure I'm not the only one who's met you.
Uncomfortable feeling that I cannot really find the words to describe.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:19 AM
Life, you have a funny way of reminding me how uncontrollable and unpredictable you are sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
10:59 PM
I play many different sports / I read extensively
I can code in 6 different languages / I write poems
I drink and club / I have overnight video game marathons
I cook / I still love fast food
I go to the gym / I'm still fat
I don't understand why people always try and assume everything about a person based on a single characteristic they possess.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Buying shoes
11:26 PM
Life is sometimes like buying shoes.
Even if you love the design, if it can't fit you, it can't fit you.
Sometimes you may not like the design as much as the previous one
But it may be a perfect fit.
Things that are meant to be will be. There is no point trying to walk uncomfortably in shoes you like, because you will grow to hate them from the countless cuts and blisters. Rather, the shoe chooses you sometimes. And you slowly grow to love them and how comfortable they are as well.
lone wolf syndrome.
The Dream Industry
11:23 PM
This is the place where they sell you the things that don't exist.
Where they sell you hope and happiness
Where the products can be tasted but not consumed
Where there are no factories despite the thousands in production
Because the things they sell
Are manufactured in the hearts of the people who want them.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Fly me to the moon
10:00 PM
lone wolf syndrome.
8:15 PM
Toyed with the idea of changing the blog template, but the blogger templates are just so... ngah.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, June 22, 2012
10:56 PM
Tonight is one of those nights that I don't know how to put my thoughts into words.
This is going to be jarring and probably make little to no sense, but fuck it, at least I tried.
I just can't understand why some people feel the need to justify the wrong decisions they've made. By giving a reason, an excuse, an explanation to a mistake, it's like they absolve themselves of the blame. Of course, I'm not saying that there are times that they are indeed not to blame. Rather, I'm talking about the mistakes that you know are mistakes. That you really fucked up and yeah, it's your damn fault. Reasons, it's always reasons why it was not a bad decision at that time, despite the multitude of signs and facts screaming at them in their face that they should not have done what they did.
Maybe it's to do with regrets. Because people always feel they need to live without regrets. If they fucked up and they can't absolve themselves of the responsibility, they'll somehow always feel that they are the ones to blame and that they will always regret that. But, that's not how regret works. Regret is for the things you could have, but chose not to take. It shouldn't be for decisions that you've made. If you passed something over for something else, then at that point in time that something else better be the more damned important than whatever you passed it over for. And you had better treasure that something else.
I've fucked up. A couple of times in fact. But I don't regret it. I've made bad decisions, really dumb ones sometimes and I don't see a need to justify/attach a reason to them. I only really regret the decisions that I didn't make, rather than the ones that I have. The "mistakes" I've made; those aren't really mistakes. Just lessons. And I suppose I've learnt from them. Some, if not most.
There are some lessons I don't want to learn from. But slowly, grudgingly, it seems that I have no choice but to. And the greatest irony of the entire situation is that the lesson I've learnt sometimes teach me to give up on things. To do precisely what I should not if I wanted to live life without regrets. Or the lessons teach me that I have a very valid reason/excuse to let decisions go. Or to make the decisions that I may not fully want. The lessons I've supposed to learn are a contradiction to the entire process of learning.
Maybe that's why there are people who find the need to justify their mistakes. Because they've already learnt more than I ever have.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:29 PM
Sooner or later it's over; I just don't wanna miss you tonight.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
11:17 PM
Ouroboros.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:34 PM
The thought of packing for Manila makes me feel so lazy oalksdfjnaherjasfasdrnkj
lone wolf syndrome.
9:32 PM
"Why am I still here?" "You're not. You're a ghost." "I thought I left." "You did. You're always leaving." "Where am I now?" "Always here. Never here again."
I think I finally understand how people can have no expectations. It's like some zen nirvana you reach after countless disappointments.
Maybe this is what the end of the road is supposed to feel like.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:19 AM
Rereading old posts sometimes scares me.
I'm partially ashamed of the person I used to be, but I also realise if I was not that person, I wouldn't be the me I am today.
To a certain extent, I guess I used to be a scrub. A whining, complaining, blame absolving loser. I'd always ask "Why me?" or just give up and accept that the world is fucked up and that nothing can be done.
But some experiences changed me. Some reflection on older experiences reinforced that.
Am I still a scrub now? I doubt, but I'll never know. Maybe not completely unscrubby yet.
But I do know that the things I talk about now and then are a world of a difference. No longer about how much it hurts, or how other people are fucked up.
Rather, reflection starts from myself now. It's like I spent a part of my life going around the world looking for someone to blame and ended back up where I started.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
8:21 PM
Even if the heart is heavy, if the head is clear, it makes it a little more bearable.
lone wolf syndrome.
8:13 PM
我真的没有天份
安静的没这么快
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, June 18, 2012
12:59 AM
At the end of the journey, people only find themselves.
It's not the other people that you have to accept, nor their beliefs and opinions.
Instead, it's about accepting your own feelings and decisions.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
9:58 AM
lone wolf syndrome.
9:57 AM
空.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:34 AM
I'm don't know why I'm so afraid I'll stop feeling this way about you one day.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
5:16 PM
拿的起就要懂得放的下.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:05 AM
不管我说什么，做什么，我是不是永远比不上他?
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, June 15, 2012
10:48 PM
And may you never wish that life would pass with background music in a black and white montage. And may you lust and hunger for every awkward second of real life, in all it's un-retouched glory.
Nothing will ever substitute face to face communication.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
8:26 PM
Either wrong girl at the right time, or right girl at the wrong time.
Story of my life.
lone wolf syndrome.
7:20 PM
碎.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, June 11, 2012
10:37 PM
Instead of looking at the outcomes alone
We should always remember to sometimes stop
And consider the road travelled thus
Because if you put due diligence to the process
The result can never be too bad.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:05 PM
If it's from the heart, it should work.
Thanks, mum.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
The million thoughts
11:01 PM
The million thoughts running through my head
The countless possibilities that lay ahead
But somehow for every choice I make
The outcome appears to be the same
I don't know if it's false or true
That it'll be impossible to move you
It seems that no matter what I do
I can never be; more than him, to you
I can only hope, and try, and wait
Or give up; and look for another girl instead
But I know I might regret
With all my heart if I had
Made the wrong choice- no, rather;
The choice that I cannot accept
But isn't it all pointless if
The outcome was already determined before all this?
Yet I can never know until I've walked
The road to the end and stopped
So walk I will, walk I shall
And whatever may come, pray tell
That I will be able to accept it
Despite the million thoughts running through my heart
lone wolf syndrome.
10:11 PM
I looked at this again today and realised that it can be interpreted two ways.
I sincerely hope I'm interpreting it correctly.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:19 AM
Okay. I just hope you're right.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, June 09, 2012
8:11 PM
I saw this and immediately went to dig up the poem I wrote a long time ago. It just seemed so fitting.
I've got a suitcase You might not comprehend. Why it's labelled excess baggage, I don't understand. This heavy luggage, from the now and then. Bits and pieces from the when-and-when. It's filled with memories Happy and sad. Recollections of the good and bad. I'm sorry If I ever happen to say One day Can we just be friends? Because I have this suitcase I can't put down yet I may not have met you But I apologise in advance And hope that that day Never ever comes. This suitcase I don't really want. Yet at the same time I can't put it down. I hope that if I ever meet you You'll be able to unlock The clasp on this suitcase And then I can stop Holding on to the past And open the doors To the fortress I own And welcome you Into my heart.
--------------------
I guess it was a good idea to transfer some of the better ones I've written to an FB note rather than leave them in the mountains of posts I have on this blog.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:16 AM
The thing is that I have never felt as if I had to force it.
It felt like the right thing; what I really wanted to do all along.
Maybe that's why I am still content doing so.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
6:55 PM
You can be beautiful and new forever. Give me forever and I'll prove it.
