Tuesday, August 28, 2012
11:56 AM
Damn, think I overestimated the price of the item. Oh well.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:34 AM
Sometimes I don't even know why I don't want to go to bed.
It's like I'm waiting for something. Or someone. I don't know.
It's like I'm staying awake on the off-chance that something amazing will happen and bam!
+ ??? = Profit.
That's some fucking retarded magical thinking.
Just go to fucking sleep, Bryan.
edit: Actually, I did just get an item worth ~200USD on Diablo 3, so I guess that's the amazing thing for tonight.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, August 27, 2012
2:01 AM
Perhaps misery is the best muse.
Perhaps it is lonely poetry that most people can relate to.
Perhaps it is a good thing that I have not found the need to write in a while.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
2:41 AM
My dreams are so bizarre that sometimes I wonder if my subconscious is trolling me.
It's not only that they don't make sense, it's so obviously jarring that sometimes I end up thinking (in the dream) whether this makes any sense at all and pop! I wake up.
And these bizarre dreams are apparently very tiring. I get up with a shirt drenched with sweat a lot of the time. I don't even remember doing any strenuous activity in the dream -.-
Oh well, I guess it's time to sleep. Peacefully, I hope.
Or wake up in a dream.
Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, August 24, 2012
3:06 AM
Whew what a night.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
11:28 PM
Sometimes I feel like I should just write something or it'd be like, really rude to whoever actually checks my blog.
So erm, yeah. Hi. Or something like that.
*awkward penguin meme*
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
11:32 PM
Confidence is always quiet, never loud.
It is always silent, because it never needs to speak for itself.
It lets the walking do the talking.
So much so that we actually have another name for the noisy version.
I believe we call it arrogance.
lone wolf syndrome.
12:40 AM
The greatest distances are not measured in miles or light years.
They are measured in the volume of silence between hearts.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, August 20, 2012
4:52 PM
Not everything is as you imagine it to be.
Not everyone is as you imagine them to be.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
1:53 AM
I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I am eventually diagnosed with Asperger's (eventually being I actually give a fuck/have the money to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist and get myself diagnosed).
I can perfectly understand how autistic people feel when they are unable to express what they're experiencing at the moment and everything becomes a huge sensory mess, so much so to the point that they are unable to even do the most basic things.
Yeah, so since Asperger's is supposed to be a (very) mild form of autism, I do think I sometimes have that exact same problem of putting what I feel into words. Or at least, doing so on the spot. Verbally.
My mum told me an interesting story. I never spoke till I was 3. And she and my dad were worried that I was retarded or something. Or autistic, I guess they didn't really know the difference back then. But yeah. An uncle told them that they didn't have to worry and that once I started speaking it'd be in full sentences instead of words. And lo and behold when I was 3 I did just that.
I don't have any recollection of being 3. Or not much, I should say. But I guess if I was 3, I'd probably be thinking if I can't really put what I want to say into words rightly enough, I'm just gonna stfu and not talk.
I mean, fuck, I do that all the time now anyway.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
1:16 AM
"Sir, why do you speak in riddles?"
"Ah child, because what I say is for the people who understand."
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, August 13, 2012
11:46 PM
This brought a pleasant nostalgia. So bittersweet.
lone wolf syndrome.
11:45 PM
Sometimes I feel like I've come full circle.
Like I was like that once. And somewhere along the way I gave up.
Then after some mistakes, some mucking around and taking the long way back; I decided to be more positive again.
And now, once again, it's like... just fuck everything because I have no idea what I should believe in anymore.
I don't really know what to make of it sometimes.
It's like every time I want to come out into the light, something shoves me right back into the darkness.
"You don't belong here. Go back."
It says.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:11 AM
Yeah sure, it solves everything on your end but nothing on mine I've come to realise.
The notion that you cannot change people only further cements the acknowledgement that they do not need to change themselves.
Change is the only constant. If you don't change, you're nothing. You're better off dead.
I want to change you because you're still an important part of my life. I want you to change because I don't want to see you become a bitter, old, angry, pompous and yet powerless person. I don't want to see you die angry. Unable to let go of so much. So much, yet so trivial.
But no. You have to insist that I cannot change him. Insist that I am the one who changes instead. But you forget, I will always change. I have so much more left to do and see.
You didn't really need to lie, Dad. That's one step to becoming the senile storyteller that grandma is now. One more step to become what you detest.
And now, I can't speak because I've apologised. Because you, Mum, have made me accept the wrongness of my actions. Yes, they are wrong. But they are not without reason.
Let go of that selfishness, let go of that bitterness and let go of all that mistrust in you. I was at some points in my life, going down that route as well. Then I realised, I didn't want it to be that way. But you haven't. Because you've not lost anything important enough to enact that change in yourself yet. But by the time that happens, it may be too late. I don't know if you'll have anything worth changing for.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I try to appreciate you when you don't even try to appreciate me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
5:36 PM
But what if they were right?
What if we are the ones that are crazy instead?
What if we are the ones still stuck in the delusional trap of freedom?
What if those people we have locked up in asylums
Are actually the real prophets of our generation?
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
12:11 AM
And my fingers are ships sailing on your skin, slowly drifting and hoping against hope that they fall off the edge of the earth. And your heart is nothing but the gravity pulling me towards you.
I wrote this for you
lone wolf syndrome.
