Friday, December 28, 2012
12:38 AM
Sometimes I forget the most important thing is not being happy.
It's being happy with what you have.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
1:20 AM
Sit down and think calmly and things will make sense.
Delayed gratification is so important sometimes.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
2:20 AM
God's in his heaven, all's right with the world.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
6:13 PM
You know, the thing with you, P. is that I've never felt that there was an appropriate sense of closure to things. It's like I'll be stuck in limbo, still having feelings, able to accept that things will never be but unable to let them go.
I've always felt being friends is a lesser substitute, a compromise. Perhaps on my part. Because it was really always a one sided affair. A compromise of a little bit of my happiness for a little bit of yours.
I always tell myself that it'll be ok. That one day I'll find someone who'll make me forget you. And yet, I known it isn't true. You never really forget the people you love. You can never forget the people you've loved.
I say 'loved' not because the feeling no longer persists but because the actions have stopped. Because despair crept in and killed hope. Because there was no point any longer. And yet, the root of the entire problem - the heart, was not resolved. Merely ignored, swept under a rug in the misguided belief that time will heal it or perhaps it will forget.
But it doesn't. The head forgets. The mind forgets. People forget. Ah, but the heart, the heart always, always remembers.
Merry Christmas everyone.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, December 24, 2012
11:51 AM
There are only 3 real prerequisites we should look for in a partner.
1. They shouldn't be self centred.
2. They shouldn't be hypocrites.
3. They should be able to appreciate what they have.
Everything else is a matter of preference.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
7:55 PM
Do not fear, for it only makes you weak.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, December 21, 2012
3:59 AM
I haven't been posting much lately because I've been busying myself with stuff.
I've found something new to obsess myself over. Livestreaming and recording the games I play that is.
And yet, despite that, I'm still back here.
Looks like what people tell you is wrong afterall.
Stuff like "When you find something meaningful to do, you won't feel bored or empty anymore!". Really? Then explain to me why am I back here questioning myself once again.
Why am I trying to find something more meaningful than the things I enjoy the most?
Meaning isn't the answer to emptiness. I think after going round and round trying to discover what the antithesis to emptiness is, I come back to square one. The answer was in front of me all along.
Things are the answer to emptiness. Just doing something, anything makes that moment more fulfilling and meaningful than just doing nothing. And I mean things in the plural form. You can't just do one thing and expect it to make the other aspects of your life fulfilling. You have to do many things. Everything. As much as possible. Flood your life with things, endless things to do, to drive out that feeling of emptiness.
Karl Marx in a sense, was right. The natural state of man is to be at work, to be doing something. He derives meaning from this work and this is his 'species being'.
Things. Everything. Anything. Just do whatever it takes to make you feel less empty and more you.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, December 10, 2012
1:09 AM
I should try writing drunk poetry one day considering that I seem to be able to churn out most of better my stuff when I'm emo or extremely sleepy.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
6:19 PM
You can have everything and yet nothing at all.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, December 08, 2012
1:39 AM
Who'd know? When they don't bother to find out?
No one. Absolutely no one.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:36 AM
That feeling I try to hide
From not myself but
From people outside
That hem and haw
That wax and wane
That little by little
Numbing of pain
You know how it feels
I'm sure you're familiar too
With that dangerous feeling
Of being unable to feel
Of dissipating concern
Of evaporating care
Of a slowly but surely
Widening tear
That sinks the ship
That separates the land
That becomes impossible
To traverse
That becomes hopeless
To mend
Before its too big
I impeach you to try
And close the gap
Before it's too far behind
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
1:14 AM
What makes you happy?
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, December 03, 2012
12:29 AM
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don't mind the quiet. They don't mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There's no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don't feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won't be a void. That's not love. That's "hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!" It's a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you're skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it's always comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn't benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don't care about your job or how much money you make. It's a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they'll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they're able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don't think this is true, then you're not paying close enough attention.
Thought Catalog
Truth beyond truth.
lone wolf syndrome.
