Monday, January 28, 2013
12:15 AM
A reminder. To whoever, but especially, to myself
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
2:37 PM
Sometimes I ask myself, is this how it ends?
The predictable boring life ahead of me. Perhaps I've made my own decisions. Perhaps I've taken the road less travelled. But it seems that everyone's ending is the same. Maybe slightly different. Different but still same same.
Robert Frost, I finally begin to understand you a little better.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
2:04 AM
Oh and lastly, stop inviting people who suck at LoL to games with me or if you suck at LoL, stop inviting me to games, because when I want my first win of the day, I have do it in that hour if I take longer than that, I eat into my sleep time.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:03 AM
I've been very irritable lately and I've pinned the cause down.
I don't have enough time to myself to do the things I want to.
For the past 2 weeks, I've been adjusting to work and for some weird reason, a whole bunch of social obligations came in. From people not exactly in the workforce or not exactly sure why my work is so stressful and tiring at times. Or who have no fucking idea that if I reject your call during work hours it means stopcallingmeimbusyorcantpickupyourcallrightnowyoufuckingretard and get spammed by a couple of phone calls while doing work that can't exactly be stopped at a moment's notice.
The only time I have had to myself is a) Friday nights, b) the 10 mins I spend shitting and reading the news every weekday morning, c) the 1 hour at night on weekdays I spend gaming. Even my fucking weekends are filled with social obligations sometimes.
This weekend will be filled with work. At least Sunday will. I've already cordoned off Saturday as my rest day, for me to do my own thing and enjoy myself but social obligations crept in again and I have to meet some relatives for dinner.
So I would love it if you read this blog and don't bother me with weird calls or requests to meet up on weekdays because I can't. Not next week till I'm done with my work.
P.S. Taxi uncle who said "No time is an excuse", you were wrong. I literally have no time and it isn't an excuse. Even if I don't stay in office, I have to bring work back so fuck you. Thank you for the advice you gave me and all but still fuck you. At least till my first month is over, I'm probably not going to have time for anything.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
11:15 PM
I'm eventually going to meet people who will ask me what I did in school.
I'll probably shrug and say study and the usual.
There'll probably be this horrified look and the usual questions of "You didn't do any CCA/join any clubs/societies/ect.?! What did you do with your uni life man?!"
At this point of time, I'm going to stare them straight in the eyes and very calmly explain.
"I did... a lot of thinking. A lot of Thinking. Reflecting. Organizing. Questioning. Experiencing. Failing. Succeeding. Being unsatisfied with succeeding and not knowing why. Doing things again and failing so I know why. Analyzying. Understanding. Planning. Trying. Doing. Risking. Inspiring. Being inspired. Leading. Being led. Asking. Answering. Rationalizing. Stepping back. Seconding guessing myself. Deconstructing the systems we take for granted. Reconstructing them in order to find flaws. Playing. And most importantly learning. So how about you? What did you do with your uni life?"
I'm going to smile and wait.
lone wolf syndrome.
1:00 AM
Stop chasing things. Or people.
If you work hard, things will come to you. If you're worth it, people will be drawn to you.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
12:30 AM
Omg... I wrote this for you... ended. I don't know what to say. How could anyone stop writing despite writing such beautiful things? :'(
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, January 21, 2013
12:58 AM
I should rename my blog to like "The Journal of Observations about Humans" or something like that if it didn't sound like like so tacky and pretentious.
... Nah fuck that.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
9:11 PM
Cogito ergo sum.
The most frightening of Man's abilities and also the most exploitable.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 18, 2013
12:02 AM
Carve it into their hearts.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
11:50 PM
I'm sometimes (well, actually quite often) stopped by people who know me and who I barely remember.
Most of them are acquaintances; old classmates, trainees from NS, people in the same school that I never really talk to much, and once, even someone who recognised me from my online username (long story I think I explained somewhere before, not gonna do it again).
I'm left wondering at times if I was insensitive to not have remembered these people, but the fact is that more often than not I have had to interact with them as a member of a group, rather than as individuals. Or sometimes, I've hardly talked to them at all.
There is a tinge of guilt, a slight awkwardness when a seeming stranger approaches me and is able to identify me by name but I am unable to recognise him or her. But thus far, they've remembered me for goods things (thank God, or I think I'd have a black eye a many by now). Which is rather odd at times, considering my abrasive nature. But then again, it is also that same abrasive nature that these people and my friends have come to recognise as one of my trademarks. My lack of fear to tell people the truth, to berate them for their mistakes, praise them for their achievements and accept my own failures as my responsibility that makes me, well, me.
Sometimes, when I feel that the world is all about appearances and not substance, I remember these people, and I remember that they have remembered me for what I am and who I am, not who I appear to be. I realise that I've made an impact on these people enough for them to remember me. No matter how abrasive, insensitive, untactful or brash I am/was, people still remember the good things.
Actions do speak louder than words sometimes. Thanks guys.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
11:53 PM
Life is filled with paradoxes.
Or perhaps, life is simple and it is people who are filled with paradoxes.
lone wolf syndrome.
3:00 AM
Those sleepless nights.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:58 AM
It doesn't hurt because if you keep hurting the same part of you again and again and again, the nerve endings all die. And when that happens, that part of you goes numb. That's why it doesn't hurt. Don't be proud of it.
I wrote this for you
This. This is what I mean.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, January 11, 2013
7:30 PM
I always envisioned that one day there would be a superhero with no superhuman abilities except for the ability to analyze and process information.
I used to imagine myself as that superhero.
Able to analyze, deconstruct and reconstruct ways of doing things in an instant. Super learning.
Able to observe the tiniest details that normal humans would miss. A twitch of a muscle, an unconscious gesture, a slight depth in breath. Super analysis.
And able to link those details into predictable patterns and react to what comes next before it happens. Super reflexes and foresight.
I'm beginning to think that it may not just be my imagination any longer.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
11:07 PM
So I got a job.
I'm not exactly well paid for a university grad, but I like my work so far. It's tiring though, and there's a lot of things I'm not familiar with yet that the bosses are thrusting upon me. I really hope I don't screw anything up because some of them are large projects.
I don't mind the research part of things, I mean, I actually do enjoy it to some extent. Conducting focus groups, doing research online, creating presentations and whatnot.
It's the writing proposals and other supporting documents catering to tenders that scare me. I mean, there's apparently a semi-fixed way to go about it and I've not exactly learnt how to yet. Guess I have to write a few before I get the hang of it.
Oh, and the workplace is really high tech and all, using wikis to collaborate and integrating everything with google and whatnot. I guess it's to be expected of an IT firm. I just think there should be a little more human touch to things.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:02 PM
omg halp too much werk
lone wolf syndrome.
10:02 PM
You forget that even the strongest person to ever live had a weakest day of their life.
lone wolf syndrome.
10:01 PM
I keep wondering, how many people do you need to be, before you can become yourself.
I wrote this for you
lone wolf syndrome.
