Sunday, June 30, 2013
11:50 PM
My new cannot sleep hobby is listening to Boyce Avenue songs :>
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, June 28, 2013
12:59 AM
Adjustments.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
5:43 PM
Dunno what's up with CQ and ex girlfriends. I spotted F. at Boss BBQ bar once and on the way to CQ today I spotted V. on the train. :/
lone wolf syndrome.
4:39 PM
I never knew the name of this song nor the singer *noob* so I never had the chance to
dian it during KTV sessions. It's such a hopeful and sad song at the same time, it's like, fucking perfect for me.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
12:08 PM
I'm starting to think I really look like Inugami every week before I have to cut my hair.
Maybe it's time I switch to an Ookami no Monshou skin.
lone wolf syndrome.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
6:15 PM
I've come to realise that the only people who I can call friends are the ones who can take my honest talk and not walk away. For that, I am thankful; for not even my family is able to put up with that.
lone wolf syndrome.
6:02 PM
I need to sort my shit out.
I mean, re-sort my shit out.
Finding yourself the first time is always easy. But when you have to look for yourself again, sometimes you just aren't so sure if you even found yourself in the first place.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, June 24, 2013
12:31 AM
The question is, if you know nothing changes, why do you bother trying so hard sometimes?
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
12:57 AM
Because the truth is that nothing changes.
People don't change. Something different about them but always same same.
Pain doesn't change. A little number, a little colder, but still there in your veins.
Memories never change. A little duller, a little older, but still beautiful and plain.
Friends don't change. They come, they go, but they are always the same.
Family doesn't change. They live, they die; but they will always remain.
You don't change. You learn, you grow, but deep inside, you're you.
And no one can ever take that away.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
11:29 PM
And as for me well, I spent so long looking for this intangible thing called happiness I ignored the people who actually made me happy.
So I guess I have a lot to make up for. Starting now.
lone wolf syndrome.
9:04 PM
I always used to think that happiness was something to be discovered, or found one day, the same way people think love is.
But I've come to realise that both these things are very similar and they don't just happen or find their way into your lives. They both begin from within oneself and not from an external source.
They are both built upon and invested in. Both require experience and time and effort. Perhaps that's why people tend to subsume the two into one (erroneously sometimes) and think that "discovering" one means finding the other.
But the truly happy, truly loving people in the world will know that they aren't just discovered. Love and happiness are things that are worked towards. And what's most important is finding the people who are able and willing work towards the same goal as you.
Psychologists discovered that the only reliable predictor of happiness was ironically, how happy you've been in the past 10 years of your life. It seems that outlook, and not material possessions were the determining factor. However, they could be wrong as well.
There was another study conducted that found that the people with the most positive outlook in life had one more thing in common amongst them. Life outlook, in other words, could possibly only be a mediating factor. Happy people shared warm, meaningful relationships to others
like themselves. Positive outlooks were not merely factors in achieving happiness, they were
multipliers; they were contagious. The more happier people you had in your life, the greater your chances of being happy yourself.
These means that people who were willing to work and invest in their own and other's happiness and love reinforced the warmth of their relationships and multiplied the happiness and love of their social networks. In other words, love and happiness
are correlated in some way or another, just that we haven't figured out the exact equation yet.
But it does mean one thing: Choose our friends (and family, for family is not who we are related to by blood, but who we call our own) wisely, for it determines how happy we'll be in future.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:45 AM
If you play with fire, be prepared to be burnt.
You'll know this is a warning to you when you read it.
And you'll know what it is about.
Because, well... I know you.
And I know you will.
lone wolf syndrome.
Friday, June 14, 2013
3:19 AM
Tit for tat and other nice strategies like it, succeed because they have a sufficient expectation of meeting other nice strategies like themselves. If there were a population in which there was only a single tit for tat or a single nice strategy, and the rest of the population were nasty, cheats say, then there's no chance for the tit for tat or the nice strategy to spread through the population in the evolutionary manner. This is because it never meets another like itself and therefore, cannot benefit through mutual cooperation.
Precisely.
lone wolf syndrome.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
12:53 AM
I guess what I've wanted to get off my chest for a long time is that... a long while ago, I made a decision.
I decided that I would never allow anyone to ever hurt me for free again. If they wanted to hurt me, they would have to pay a price. They would have to take time. They would possibly have to risk hurting themselves. They would have to show me that they were willing to put the same amount of effort that I was.
But that also meant that I would never fully open myself up to anyone, of my own volition. I would never talk about myself, the real me. People would only know a superficial portrait of what I was and not who I am and I preferred it that way.
I decided to let my enemies and friends pick me themselves. I would be myself and the people who hated me and liked me would naturally divide themselves. I decided that I would only take from a handful of the pool of people I consider friends and entrust a bit of myself with each of them.
But when it comes to people I would potentially have feelings for, I decided that I would never ever tell them how I truly felt about them. I decided that I would never make myself that vulnerable again.
You may judge me. You may laugh at me. But you have no idea what I've been through. I have been made use of, lied to, taken for granted and worst of all, betrayed. Probably not in the sense that you are imagining, no. I was not jilted or two timed; it was a two faced liar betrayal. And it stung as painful as any betrayal would have.
My problem now is that I have to always remember that the potential price I pay for never being hurt for free is that I will possibly be alone. Forever.
It torturous being by yourself. But it's not as torturous as being in a one sided love story. Trust me, I would know that very well.
I decided long ago, that if anyone was worth me opening up to, they'd make it clear with their actions. Not their words. I've learnt a very long time ago that the cheapest thing in this world are words and it helped me to make a very important decision in my life.
lone wolf syndrome.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
2:10 AM
I've been thinking a lot lately. And my writing juices are flowing, but I haven't figured out what I want to say.
Most of the time, it happens after the thoughts and feelings have been left to fester and ripen.
It happens spontaneously, and I just... write.
This is exactly why I think I'll never make it as a writer.
Because a writer has to write constantly.
One cannot be motivated by this silly thing called inspiration, no.
Writers nowadays are machines. Story-churning machines. Else they become paupers.
I can't be a writer for a living. I can only write what I can.
When I can.
lone wolf syndrome.
Sunday, June 09, 2013
11:47 PM
Ok I think the accumulated fatigue has kicked in.
lone wolf syndrome.
Saturday, June 08, 2013
2:17 AM
I can't sleep.
Not don't, not won't. I don't feel sleepy. I feel tired but not sleepy.
I don't know what this is. It's not even the same feeling any more.
It's like I don't want to sleep for some reason. My mind doesn't want to turn off.
This isn't good.
lone wolf syndrome.
2:02 AM
Things just aren't the same any more...
I don't know if I can ever go back.
lone wolf syndrome.
Monday, June 03, 2013
1:00 AM
Time to be a happier, healthier person again :>
lone wolf syndrome.
