::tasteful cynicism::

2012-02-09T00:50:00.003+08:00

Sometimes my ink dries
And the words cannot flow
As clear as they always do
As the stifle inside of me grows
The ones you see here
Are not the ones that I want to type
They are not the reflection
Of how I feel inside
Instead a proxy;
An attempt to describe
But without description
An analogy, of the thoughts that rage inside
It may seem paradoxical to most
But the ones who've lived it will
Understand this odd feeling
Of being unable to feel
Of not knowing how, or what, or when
Or who, or why, to express this
Convoluted strand
Of thought; this way of thinking
This poetry of naught
It is the clearest of all messages
And yet the most silent of all screams
The knot in your throat when you choke
Translated, transformed, transfigured
Into words inside my head
Into words at my fingertips
Into words on the screen; and yet
These words not reflect
The message I want to send
It's like the backspace key is held
It's like the undo is on loop
It's like everything I want to say
Is somehow not there
The flow is jarring; the words come slow
Because I am not
Writing because I want to
I am writing because I cannot

2012-02-07T02:36:00.001+08:00

I've been experiencing an ache in my abdomen recently and it just flared up a couple of minutes before. Maybe it was because I was sitting in some weird position, but after I shifted to a normal sitting position, the pain became really sharp. I have no idea what it is, I hope it's nothing serious. The hypochondriac in me went to check various websites for possible causes but nothing really seems to match. Will see how it goes.

2012-02-03T18:20:00.003+08:00

The price of victory is steep.

It is an all consuming pursuit and few know the cost of it.

To win is not to simply win.

To win is to achieve complete domination over your adversary, to win entirely, completely and outrightly.

And it all the more consuming if your conditions for victory as the same as your opponents.

I always meet people who give up, who accept lesser victory conditions than those they originally agreed upon, who delude themselves, who convince themselves "they won" when they meet an enemy they cannot best.

These are the people I consider losers.

Rather, the ones who admit they are defeated to come back another day and try again, are the winners.

2012-02-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

If everything was easy, nothing would be worth it.

But people forget that things that are too hard are not worth it either.

2012-02-02T22:49:00.002+08:00

The world is an irony.

And people are the authors of their own tragedy.

My weakness is that I care too much

2012-02-02T20:17:00.001+08:00

2012-02-01T02:21:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep.

My heart's too empty and my head's too full.

They say that you'll be contented if you look at others who are worse off than you rather than those who are better off.

But I look at those who are worse off and realise that if God is fair, he'd give so many more people in this world a shot at happiness first, because I had mine and I fucked it up so bad.

It's so stifling and choking. I don't even know if any metaphor or analogy could describe the way I feel on sleepless nights sometimes.

It's like your heart is outside your body, but you know it's dying so bad, but you can't feel it that well anymore. Everything's just a little numb; your scream can't reach your throat and your tears don't reach your eyes.

If people have knots in their stomachs, I have a knot in my chest. Right where my heart used to be.

2012-01-31T00:34:00.001+08:00

I don't really have motivation to study. I just sort of do what I think needs to be done. What I should be doing. Yeah, that's the perfect way to describe it. If I find interest in it, it's just a plus point, it's not like I was really enthusiastic about it from the start.

Sometimes I wonder if that's the way I've come to view every little thing in life.

Boring.

2012-01-31T00:32:00.003+08:00

Making you regret what you did to me is not 'me winning'.
It's everyone still losing.

I wrote this for you

True. Very true.

Unfortunately I do, all too well

2012-01-29T11:52:00.003+08:00

2012-01-28T14:13:00.001+08:00

Unreal.

2012-01-28T14:10:00.003+08:00

Stop telling me to follow my heart. It once led me to you.

I wrote this for you

Insomnia

2012-01-27T00:08:00.001+08:00

So how does insomnia feel like?

Well, first of all, there are many types of insomnia. It's just that people use the blanket term insomnia to cover all having-trouble-sleeping related disorders.

a) Can't fall asleep - Note, this is not what is happening when you are on your computer at 5am in the morning. It's about you lying in bed, staring at the ceiling or closing your eyes, feeling sleepy as hell and yet not being able to fall asleep.

b) Not sleepy/don't want to sleep - refer to the above

c) Woke up and can't get back to sleep - happens often to light sleepers who get awoken after they've completed their 4 hours of core sleep. Lacking REM sleep is a huge problem for the next night's sleep. Normally feel perpetually tired during the day.

d) Woke up before alarm naturally and can't sleep - well, what it says. You basically have less sleep than you need.

I've experienced a, b and now I'm experiencing d. It's quite annoying to be honest. It could be hereditary or something cos my dad suffers from c. Maybe I should be like the Owl City guy and make use of the time I'm awake... somehow.

Good night.

2012-01-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

I have to go to a Hindu temple soon to take some photos for my Soci of Religion mod.

The lecturer says that we need to break out of our comfort zones, especially in this module.

I look at it differently though, I think it's more about intruding into the comfort zones of others that concerns me and not so much breaking out of my own comfort zone. I mean hey, just be polite, ask permission and snap some shots, what's there to be nervous or afraid about? It's the reactions of people who may possibly be uncomfortable about what I'd doing that bother me and not so much my own.

I guess this is like the thing about the First Ammendment/Illusion of Freedom blah blah, where if your freedom to do something infringes upon the freedom of another person's freedom to do something else (or the same thing that matter) then you do not possess that freedom under the eyes of of the law/society/people/ect.

Ok, time to go take some photos.

2012-01-24T03:11:00.000+08:00

The most ear piercing screams are ironically the ones that no one hear.

The silent scream in the middle of night, in the heads of the billions of this world.

And I'm saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.

2012-01-20T03:27:00.000+08:00

Wow, I've been one negative motherfucker recently.

I should write happy things.

But then again, this isn't the place to write happy things.

And happy things are so... unrealistic to write about.

Probably why the greatest pieces of literature in the world are always tragedies.

2012-01-19T04:46:00.001+08:00

I gave up on love a long long time ago.

That Sweden and Singapore video just makes me more cynical and pessimistic.

No hope inspired, no hope lost.

Cos I realised that it takes doesn't matter how much you love someone, but instead how much that someone is willing to love you in return.

Play to win

2012-01-09T01:14:00.003+08:00

I realised that no matter how tired I get of everything in this world, one thing still sustains my interest.

Gaming.

Not just playing games, heavens no. Not just videos games or card games, that's too limited. Not just playing a game but the art of deconstructing a game to its core, understanding the basic themes of winning and losing and the strategies to be taken before others have even understood how to play the game. My speciality is analysing systems and breaking them down to fulfil our defined success conditions. Macro, micro, everything.

And anything in this world can be a game, only depends on how you define "winning" and "losing". Sports, gambling, exams, climbing the corporate ladder, anything. Even life.

I am a gamer, and a fucking good one at that. And I always play to win. And just because your conditions for "winning" and "losing" are different from mine, doesn't mean I "have no life" or "am boring" or "am a wuss". It just means you understand the game differently from me. And the chances are you probably understood it wrongly.

2012-01-05T16:50:00.000+08:00

I love it when people underestimate me.

They scratch the surface and they think they know everything there is.

They think they can fit me into their cute imaginary two dimensional boxes.

They make assumption about everything from the way I am, to the things I do, to what I'm capable of.

Maybe one day they'll find out and be surprised by everything.

But unfortunately for them, the majority think they know me well enough and lose interest in knowing any more long before that time comes.

Those who realise that I'm more than meets the eye get to stay around to experience the good stuff.

The others, they're not really important to me anyway.

2012-01-03T03:08:00.001+08:00

Despair - the state of no hope. Not hopelessness. Not the lack of hope but the complete absence of hope.

The knowledge that hope is non-existent, that it is already impossible.

Not clawing around searching for it; instead, trying to find a delay, an aversion, some way to escape the consequences that you know are coming. Refusal to admit and accept that there is no way, despite clearly being aware of the fact.

That is despair. And I know that feeling fucking well.

I am only able to remain calm in the most fucked up of circumstances because I despair every single day.

And there is nothing more absolute than despair.

2012-01-01T05:23:00.001+08:00

I really don't want that to be my future. No.

Not a dismal enforcement of everything I've abhored.

Yet, it seems so eventual.

2011-12-24T04:27:00.002+08:00

It is only when I am at my worst that I am at my best.

When the world slows down, and I can literally pick the breeze from the wind.

Only when I am beyond reprieve, at the very brink of wakeful consciousness and the inability to distinguish dreams from reality that I can pull this off.

It is only after countless nights of meandering and staring at ceilings that I am able to arrive in this state. So tired, so fucked up, so numb, so irrelevant and yet so everything becomes so clear.

It's like a high on life, except it's a high on everything not life.

It's like wishing for the things to happen and yet hoping at the same time, knowing deep down inside that they never will.

And then when you come back to reality, time has stopped. It hasn't moved. You can consider the world, relive your entire memories and everything just stays still. So you drift around again.

I don't know what is this feeling nor do I try to understand it. I only knows it's not healthy. Relieving, comforting, retreatist, but definitely not healthy.

The world slows down. Except that it hasn't. Time doesn't change, only my perception of it. I have infinite time, because I have no raison d'etre; because time is empty without meaning to it.

2011-12-17T02:46:00.003+08:00

The few things that you can never obtain with your own ability.

2011-12-11T15:52:00.001+08:00

Gnawing frustration.

2011-12-09T02:46:00.001+08:00

Afraid of change? No, hardly.

I am afraid of changing things for the worst when you always have the option of leaving things as it is.

2011-12-08T03:53:00.001+08:00

Three dimensional being trapped in a two dimensional life.

2011-12-04T20:26:00.001+08:00

I still haven't found it yet, after all this time.

2011-11-29T10:04:00.002+08:00

When the shit hits the fan, there are a bunch of things people will do.

a) blame the world

b) try and squirm out of the situation and absolve oneself from punishment

c) accept you fucked up and the consequences that come with it

I really want to choose c). Why are you forcing me to pick b)? I can live with myself better if I chose c).

2011-11-28T03:49:00.001+08:00

Okaaaayyy. I swear I will start running once the holidays start. Yeah.

2011-11-20T18:35:00.001+08:00

I must learn to doubt myself and doubt my own doubt.

2011-11-20T16:20:00.001+08:00

You all just seem so far away.

2011-11-20T06:11:00.001+08:00

I don't get it sometimes.

2011-11-18T23:24:00.002+08:00

I love those condescending, underestimating looks, those smirks, cringes given to him before he started singing.

The truly amazing people in this world don't need your opinions, your views or your beliefs about them to be amazing. They'll be fucking amazing by their damn selves.

2011-11-17T21:43:00.001+08:00

Ngah.

Study study.

2011-11-16T22:00:00.003+08:00

You need to learn to let go of the bitterness in your heart, Bryan.

Don't let that darkness consume you.

You don't want to end up like your father.

2011-11-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

Patience, humility and composure.

2011-11-14T23:11:00.001+08:00

One manga a day to strike my heart like a bullet.

GE this time round. Although I have constantly related to the story in that, it's just so... appropriate now.

But then, it's already happened once and I don't know if it'll ever happen again.

2011-11-13T00:08:00.003+08:00

I wish it was as easy as just moving along.

But it's a rut of feelings that I myself have problems understanding (which says a lot).

What I do know is that, I give up before I even allow myself to try.

It's like I once said, I see the world differently now.

I look at everything and everyone through grey tinted lens.

I stopped looking at people, started looking past them.

I've formed so many mentally and emotionally unhealthy habits that I don't know how to break.

Because they're addictive, they make me feel little high and little low.

Don't expect, can't disappoint, don't hope, can't dishearten.

Yeah, it's a boiling cauldron of fucked up perspectives, emotions and habits.

If I had to describe it in one word, then I'm afraid.

I'm so fucking afraid of the world.

2011-11-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

I've changed.

Again.

2011-11-12T15:01:00.002+08:00

I guess I finally understand why I read Holyland.

The latest few chapters may seem like some loser pornography i.e. ego masturbation but I understand that feeling perfectly. Only people who've gone through a phase like that, where you're trying to deny yourself what's in front of your eyes because of the fear of past experiences will understand.

It's a mix of self disgust, hurt, terror, yet hope and longing and appreciation. Hope that someone will tear away that layer of filth you've covered yourself with so that everyone will stay away. Hope that someone can actually see the real you, that you've made out to be a horrible person, but you know down inside that actually you're like everyone else. When you want to admit that, yes, this person has finally done what you've always hoped others would but at the very same time denying it because you know there's a possibility he/she's just like everyone else.

That feeling, I bet it's not very common.

The Forgotten Feeling

2011-11-12T03:30:00.000+08:00

I know there was something before you. I just can't remember what it was.

I wrote this for you

2011-11-12T03:24:00.003+08:00

Now I had an interesting experience for the first time today.

A hot chick in the club came up to us and started grinding me.

And she wasn't drunk either.

Too bad I was sober and too inhibited to really do anything.

Oh well, better luck next time.

Edit: Oh right, that sometimes worries me if my life is going down that road. You know, that road, the guy you'd love to date and do everything intimate with but never consider a long term relationship. What the hell did I ever do to conjure that type of image?

2011-11-06T03:28:00.001+08:00

Dare me to move.

2011-11-05T02:26:00.001+08:00

Just as courage is not the absence of fear, but rather knowing that fear exists and still moving forward; happiness is not the absence of sadness, but rather knowing that the sadness exists and still being contented.

2011-11-05T00:48:00.002+08:00

I think the one thing people thing most about when they die isn't their legacy.

Or being remembered.

Or being loved.

Or whether life was unfair or not.

Or whether their loved ones will be comfortable, safe, happy, ect.

I think what they think about most is regrets.

If they've had any, they'll think about what they did.

Or what they didn't do.

What they should have done.

On one's deathbed, especially when you know you're going

The one thing I'd want to think about is whether I could leave this world peacefully.

Whether I'd done all I could have done.

Everything else is really secondary, because at the end of the line, that's what matters.

2011-11-04T21:11:00.001+08:00

Rat race paper chase

2011-11-02T19:02:00.001+08:00

Why am I always saving people when I can't save myself?

2011-10-31T23:51:00.000+08:00

To think I used to be like that a long long time ago. Too bad the fire's dead now.

2011-10-30T19:51:00.002+08:00

I've tried so hard my entire life in some things and I know that I'm not good at them.

But at least I tried before I came to that conclusion.

And at least I can do those things with the comforting knowledge that I don't have to be good at it.

2011-10-29T02:48:00.001+08:00

When I look at things this way, I'm a much happier person.

2011-10-27T23:11:00.001+08:00

I think I've discovered the root to my sleeplessness. Oh man, this isn't going to be something easy to solve.

2011-10-27T20:48:00.003+08:00

I don't know why I try so hard sometimes.

Maybe it's because things have always somehow miraculously turned out for the better when I really needed them to.

To say that I'm purely unlucky my entire life would be a lie.

When I really need it, it comes.

Like when I nearly died a few times, when I nearly gave up on everything, when I'm exhausted or when something I really need to happen doesn't happen, bam. Lucky break.

Yeah, I guess the heavens have a weird way of making things work out. So I should just try hard as usual, be good and maybe things won't be so bad afterall.

2011-10-27T00:39:00.001+08:00

Go sleep, Bryan.

2011-10-27T00:34:00.001+08:00

So much to do, so little time.

2011-10-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

I have been on this battlefield many times before. I have seen corpses rise like flowers in spring to face the fate you bring, to battle the same battle, time and time again. I have seen them rip off their shrouds and put on ancient armour, just to be struck through the heart, once more. To find peace in the earth. To sleep. Until they are called upon again.

I wrote this for you

2011-10-24T23:36:00.003+08:00

I write these beautiful poems but for no one to see.

Lines and lines that can go on endlessly.

Weaving a story, a tale of sorts

An emotional medley, that just makes what sense it ought

I write for no one but myself

Because there is no reason to show this side of me

To the random people

The whos, the its and the you-might-bes.

You're all so distant and far away

Almost like a stranger, even though I recognise your face

You don't touch me and I can't touch you

So apart we stay, like some membrane I'm looking through

These words speak more than I ever should

Say more and detail every little bit

Of my memory; life, emotions felt

Times spent, troubles been through, regrets held.

Sometimes I don't understand why I write;

Sometimes I know perfectly well, but keep it inside

But all I know and comprehend now

Is that writing is a freedom, from the slavery of myself.

If I don't write, then I am naught.

I have to express these feelings I have

If not they'll come back to haunt

And bother me when I'm trying to find

Peaceful sleep, huddled behind

Layers and layers of sheets; in the cold

To keep me warm; to warm my soul.

Because too much I've seen and too much I've walked

I look through these eyes now with different thoughts.

My beliefs altered, my perspective changed

And yet the road still stretches on so far ahead.

But nevermind that because when I pick up a pen

When I hit a key, when I am in this trance

When I write, scribble, scratch, scrawl

Draw, make-believe, imagine, type

Hide, dream, pretend and fight

I create a new world, separate from the rest

I create new ways of cheating the test

I find it ok; it's suddenly not

As painful or tiring or mundane and bored

When I am writing because it helps me understand

How I feel about the situation at hand

Don't think I wonder for hours on end

On what line goes next, no. This all freehand.

I write like they rap and my fingers will glide

To the thoughts and the rhymes inside

My head, for I can see weird patterns in words

Semantics and tricks

To twist these words and make them mine

Regardless of how little time

I took to write all this poetry out

It's mine and mine alone and for that I am proud.

This is good, this is well.

I think this piece will tell

Why I write and how I do it

Not that anyone bothers to read

But you know what?

Fuck it.

2011-10-24T21:31:00.001+08:00

But I somehow just feel even more powerless watching this.

2011-10-23T04:48:00.001+08:00

I'd prefer no dreams, no fantasies, just a sleep filled night.

Please.

2011-10-22T21:27:00.001+08:00

"What type of building is this? Why would you hide all the beautiful things inside where no one can see them? From the outside, all I see is pipes and bricks, broken and rusted scaffolding, dirt and grime. No one would want to enter this place."

"Because I live inside. And other people, live outside."

I wrote this for you

Perfect. Goddamn perfect. I couldn't have said it any better myself.

2011-10-22T21:06:00.001+08:00

Everyone is just so... same.

2011-10-21T20:48:00.002+08:00

I'm tired.

I'm really really really tired.

I don't even know why I still carry on despite being so tired.

It's like going on just because you were going on all along and you completely forgot the reason you started.

I really just want to stop and rest sometimes.

Just quit the race.

I don't need to play by their rules or their game.

So damn tired.

2011-10-19T20:16:00.002+08:00

It's called The World.

Not because it comprises everything in the world.

Not because it is comparable to the world.

Not because it's supposed to represent everything in the world.

But because most of the time

It's you vs The World.

2011-10-18T20:31:00.001+08:00

Because these words will reach nobody.

And I'm waiting for the someone who'll give me the courage to add "But you."

2011-10-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Like feelings?

Like thoughts?

Like people?

Are ideas merely an item to be purchased?

Are dreams just another pricetag away?

Are we all only worth what the barcode says?

2011-10-17T22:10:00.001+08:00

Is everything in this world bought?

2011-10-17T02:20:00.002+08:00

Because we all chase after what we don't have.

And that's basically what makes us human.

2011-10-14T21:52:00.001+08:00

I guess you and I are going to bedmates for a long time again.

Just try and leave me alone when I really need my sleep, k?

2011-10-13T03:40:00.001+08:00

What do you really want?

2011-10-13T03:36:00.001+08:00

Broken.

How apt.

2011-10-10T01:19:00.003+08:00

Life is... really boring now.

Not meaningless, life can never be meaningless.

If it was meaningless, we'd just all end it.

We each have a reason to start everyday anew, to carry on despite how fucked up things may be.

That only proves life is reason-filled.

When we lose some, others take its place.

At least, if we do have any others to take its place left.

Yeah, so life is boring.

Maybe because my reasons are mediocre; I don't feel like trying too hard.

2011-10-06T23:16:00.002+08:00

The me who was so afraid of change back then has unassumingly become who I am now.

And I'm still changing.

I don't know if it's for good or worse, but I know I can't stop it anymore.

And I guess my fears weren't completely unfounded.

The me now and the me then, if I put them side by side and compare them

We're totally different people.

I was always afraid of change because I believed it would make me somebody I was not.

Now I guess who you are is not really a fixed notion or concept.

Who you are needs to take into account the possible changes you can go through and the changes you've gone through as well.

I never seem to be afraid of the possibilities.

I only seem to be afraid of the eventualities.

2011-10-06T00:43:00.001+08:00

My biggest opponent has always been myself.

2011-10-02T19:05:00.001+08:00

Sing from the heart, write from the soul and love from every inch of your person.

2011-10-01T15:47:00.003+08:00

I somehow envision myself growing up to become House one day.

2011-10-01T01:03:00.003+08:00

Oh hi again, uncomfortable feeling.

You're back to bug me again, to keep me from sleeping.

It's kinda strange, you know?

Sometimes you're here, sometimes you're gone.

But by the very fact that you still linger.

It must mean that the times you were gone, I just wasn't paying atention.

Because you never really left.

2011-09-30T23:24:00.001+08:00

Sometimes uncertainty sets in.

2011-09-26T22:55:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, it's like a fight.

The only way to move forward is to tuck in your chin, keep your shoulders up and your fists tight and just roll in the punches.

And just blast through whatever stands in your way.

2011-09-25T14:32:00.001+08:00

The lies of the world.

2011-09-23T02:28:00.002+08:00

I realised it's not the internet that makes me depressed about humanity.

The internet merely tells me about the reality that I didn't know existed.

Reality makes me depressed about humanity.

2011-09-23T02:21:00.000+08:00

Realism or cynicism?

Probably the wrong person to decide.

2011-09-21T12:35:00.003+08:00

Don't forget thyself; thrown into the limelight.

The times when it was hell, stuck in eternal night.

Remember them well and never take for granted

Everything you have now; the good, the bad and the ugly side of the human self.

Only when you've had it all and then lost it all again

Only when you've plunged into the darkness and rose again from the ashes of sin

Only then are you qualified to talk about money, fortune and fame.

Only then will you realise, everything is but a dream

The important things, you'll remember well

Because they mark an important spell; a reminder, a ghost, a spectre of the past

Of the times when you were not exactly everything you are

Now however, thy must not forget; thy must remember

And always bear in mind instead

The nobody you were and yet the somebody thy are now.

2011-09-19T15:15:00.001+08:00

Because no one else is going to live your life for you.

2011-09-19T14:50:00.000+08:00

Live stronger.

2011-09-19T03:48:00.001+08:00

Stand taller.

2011-09-16T21:26:00.001+08:00

Move faster.

2011-09-16T00:13:00.001+08:00

Try harder.

2011-09-14T19:39:00.003+08:00

From a very young age I'd already known that there was no good and evil in this world. There was no right or wrong, only different ways of thinking so.

But yet, I knew that there was this very basic unspoken rule that established my notions of "right" and "wrong": Do unto others what you would other do unto you.

And I've stuck by it for the longest time. I guess I have to be thankful for my education; this school of not-so-hard knocks life has put me through. And I guess maybe it's fate I'm a sociology major.

2011-09-14T00:19:00.001+08:00

I shouldn't read too much into it and mindfuck myself.

Remember the last time you did that Bryan?

2011-09-12T23:26:00.000+08:00

The only certain thing about tomorrow is that it will be different.

2011-09-10T01:38:00.002+08:00

Even when I hope to move forward, my past just holds my hope back.

Maybe 'holds' is a wrong choice of words. It's more like pull; yank; the act of not only restricting but creating further retrogression.

And if there is no hope, there can be nothing to speak.

2011-09-08T00:18:00.001+08:00

I guess it's better than nothing.

Status quo is sometimes something that should be maintained.

Sometimes the cost of progress is too great.

2011-09-05T00:05:00.003+08:00

This "only study in school" shit is not going to work this sem :/

C'mon Bryan, what happened to that motivation you had last semester?

2011-09-04T04:26:00.001+08:00

Does everyone really have a price?

I'd like to think that I'm not the only one who doesn't.

2011-09-04T03:05:00.001+08:00

That's what it feels like when you fall from great heights. That's what it feels like when your heart grows back. That's what it feels like when you don't want to feel. But this, this is just me.

I wrote this for you

2011-09-04T02:28:00.001+08:00

Another drunken night.

Sometimes I wonder if this is the way of things to come.

2011-09-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

I guess even though I don't workout with the others, the idea that they are is actually impetus for me to get restarted on my routine.

So I did my usual 100 reps again today.

2011-08-27T02:57:00.002+08:00

It's like through some ironic twist of fate, everything I ever wanted is simply handed to me.

And I'm apprehensive to reach out and grab it because it just seems so unreal.

And at the same time I'm worried that it might be real and if I don't reach out and take it, someone else will.

2011-08-23T23:56:00.001+08:00

I don't like fucking up.

I really really really hate fucking up.

2011-08-23T00:41:00.003+08:00

It doesn't matter what tide comes or which wave goes

It doesn't matter if there is no sea afterall

It doesn't matter if you followed the sand looking for the beach

It doesn't matter if you tasted the sea breeze and witnessed the ocean true

It doesn't matter where you go

Or what you end up with

What matters most is that you went in search of something

And not whether you found it.

2011-08-22T20:39:00.001+08:00

Thriving on chaos.